


How Do I Keep Finding Myself In These Situations?!

by PastPresentFiction



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:35:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23149384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastPresentFiction/pseuds/PastPresentFiction
Summary: Jessa Halmand, first introduced in Just One Night? Is back for another "adventure" in being friendly with celebrities. Finds herself wondering how naive she must be for falling into things with Sean Patrick Flanery, even if it ended, and now with Norman Reedus, Sebastian Stan, and Troy Duffy running around mucking her world up, what's a girl to do?
Relationships: Norman Reedus/Original Female Character(s), Sean Patrick Flanery/Original Female Character(s), Sebastian Stan/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing, but an overactive imagination. For that I apologize. I am NOT ill wishing any of the relationships I may mention in my stories, but honestly, have you looked at these men?! Playing with them online is fine, at least that's what I keep telling myself. Sorry?

Life is pretty bizarre. For instance, if someone had told me that at some point I’d end up having a mind-blowing fling with a married movie star, I’d have called them all batshit insane. I’m sorry, married, but separated from his wife. He’d much prefer that wording, I’m sure. Although the cut and run I did, that was PURE me.

It happened. Not my proudest moment. Sleeping with a married man had always been on my “fuck no, don’t” list. Flirting was fine. Screwing, nope. So color me absolutely freaked out when I went to a final lunch with the studio heads to celebrate my picking them to adapt my book to movie form, and there SHE was- his wife, looking as miserable as he had the night we met in the bar of the hotel we were both staying in. I flashed on what I’d been doing with her husband minutes before leaving for this lunch, and I’m shocked the room didn’t catch on fire from my shame.

I finished lunch, rushed back to the hotel, packed everything up, and left a “Dear Sean” note slipped under his room’s door. Then I ran. Hightailed it to the airport and begged to get on the next available flight and turned off my cell phone. It was cowardly. It was also the right thing to do.

Sean was a good man. Under his rampant testosterone and that sexy as sin, yet goofy as hell exterior, I knew that he’d eventually choose to fight for his family. It was who he was. I just realized, seeing her sitting at lunch looking like she’d rather be swallowing glass, that I needed to give him a push.

When I finally arrived home, after the longest layover of my life, my best friend was beaming. Tabbi had acted as my house/pet sitter and was bursting to show me the gorgeous flowers that had just arrived. He’d sent my favorites, lilies, and so many that they were threatening to overwhelm the cut glass vase. The note was simple. “NEVER.” I knew precisely what he meant, it referred to part of the note I’d left him. I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t block his number from my phone, I also vowed that I wouldn’t answer his calls or texts, unless they sounded more friend than lover.

Of course, my best friend was curious. I considered lying, but I am unflinchingly honest about damn near everything. I know, except sleeping with another woman’s wife isn’t exactly on the up and up, but aside from that, I am. So I told her all about my time with Sean. And as I knew she wouldn’t, she didn’t judge. Actually she was pissed at me for a completely different reason.

“You made his choice for him.” She accused. “You do this shit all the time, J.”

I rolled my eyes. “He was going to eventually do it for himself. I was a temporary diversion.” I scoffed, moving to grab a drink from the kitchen. “He’s a family man, T.”

She followed me, shaking her head. “He can be a family man and still want you to be with him.” Her disapproval was evident. “Why do you always run when something good lands in your lap?”

Taking a drink of water, I turned to look her square in the eye. “Why do you think he was good?” I shook my head. “I’m not that person, I don’t do THIS.” I gestured to the flowers. “This is for the best. Wait and see.”

That was almost two years ago. I stayed true to my word, I left him alone. I unfollowed him on social media. I didn’t answer his calls or texts, they still sounded like yearning. I went on with my life, and assumed that he had too.

Eventually, the movie deal I made meant I had to relocate to Georgia. Since I was the weird writer who couldn’t just hand my book to anyone to adapt, I’d been involved from day one. I worked with the screenwriter, making sure that all the important things were intact. The first book in the series would determine whether I chose to move forward with others, well that and box office appeal. Since filming was going to take months, I rented a house. I had my three dogs with me and it ALMOST felt like home.

If anyone knows anything about Georgia and the entertainment industry, then they know that tons of shows and movies are filmed in and around Atlanta. A lot of them at the same time. The Walking Dead, Marvel, and until the show ended The Vampire Diaries.

I’m not an idiot, I know that Sean and Norman Reedus are friends, but I never considered he’d visit him. Why would he? Sean had his own life, own career, but one afternoon, while I was sitting at the house dogs napping around me, I heard the doorbell ring. I’d ordered Chinese for lunch, so grabbing my wallet for a tip, I rushed past the doggy gate that kept the dogs away from the door, and opened it.

Standing there, in the hot Georgia sun, was not my food delivery. Sean, holding a bouquet of lilies, and looking far too unfazed by the passage of time stood inches from me. For the first time in two years there he was, I shut my eyes and went with my normal reaction to unpleasant reminders. Sarcasm.

“Those don’t look like my chicken and broccoli,” I snapped, blocking the noise of my dogs by shutting the door behind me. “What are you doing here, Sean?”

Finally he looked a little unnerved. Clearly wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction from me, but why he didn’t was beyond me. I remembered every single line from the letter I wrote to say goodbye. Nowhere in it was any type of belief that I’d welcome him back as anything more than a friend. I shook my head, but didn’t drop my gaze. He looked tired, good of course, but tired.

“Hey, Jess.” That voice, like honey dripping down slow and thick. “Guess you’re not gonna invite me in?”

I sighed, “Not if I don’t have to.” I said, feeling the heat of the day already making sweat bead on the back of my neck. “Why are you here?”

He tried to hand me the flowers, but I shook my head. “I came to apologize.” His voice sounded strained. “For-” He seemed stymied. “Hell, I don’t know why, but I feel like I should.”

I chuckled. “Nothing to be sorry for, Sean.” I noticed the ring on his left ring finger. “See you made the right choice in the end.” I nodded my chin at it. “Good. That’s who you are, Sean, a husband and father.” I started to turn, but his voice stopped me.

“I’m a father, Jess, but I don’t know about being a husband.” I could hear the strain in his voice. “I took your advice,” he whispered.

I turned to give him a sad look. “I just gave the advice back to you, Sean. It was in your book, after all.” I tried to smile, but knew it was lacking. “Goodbye, Sean.”

I opened the door and walked inside, shutting it before I could allow my feelings to overwhelm me. It was for the best. He needed his family. And they needed him.

A few days later, I got a text. Remember how a lot of different shows and movies film in Georgia? Well, when you’re working there, you also mingle with the show business types. And that’s how I became friends with Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie. Those two are a force to be reckoned with and laughing at their antics kept my mind off the stress of movie making. The text came from Bash, asking if I wanted to go to a barbecue. Mackie and his wife were doing date night, but a friend from NY in town working was hosting and he wanted the security of someone he knew along. Sure, I thought, not considering who was hosting.

I drove. I love Bash, but he’s a New Yorker, and scares the shit out of me behind the wheel. I let him navigate to a little town called Senoia. The further out of town and into the surrounding wilderness we drove, I started making inappropriate Deliverance jokes.

“Bash, how much further? I swear, if I hear banjos, I’m out.” I asked, the headlights illuminating the darkening streets.

He snorted and looked around. “The driveway is up ahead. He plays a redneck, but pretty sure Norman doesn’t do banjo music.”

I nearly slammed on the brakes. “Norman?” I asked, hoping my voice sounded normal, but seeing Bash turn to study me, I had my doubts.

“Jess, what’s wrong?” He asked, even as his finger pointed to the path forward. “Problem with Reedus?”

I shook my head. No way was I getting into the problems I had, not in this car, not on the way to what could be my fucking doom. “No, don’t know him.” I said, keeping my eye on the driveway. There were tons of cars lining each side. I backed into a spot, so I could escape-leave easily later. “Let’s go check out the party.” I really wished I could sound as carefree as I wanted to look and sound.

I clicked the doors locked and smiled as Bash took my hand. “Hey, if you don’t want to stay, just tell me. We can go.”

I gave his hand a squeeze. “I’m fine.” I smiled at him. “Besides, it’ll do you good to get out for a bit. You have this tendency to hide away, Bash.”

He rolled his eyes. “And you have a tendency to mother me.” He pulled me forward, toward the noise coming from the backyard. “See, no banjos.” The music was harsher, but not unpleasant, and I felt him tugging me further along. “Got to introduce you to our host.”

Norman was sitting at a table with a ton of other people, but I kept my focus on him. I knew he’d know my name, most people do with the books being so popular. I was fairly certain that he wouldn’t know about Sean and me. That had been a stipulation between his wife and him, during their separation. That no one would know they were broken. And clearly, telling people about me would be admitting it happened. I still had butterflies, and felt the urge to run, but with Bash’s hand in mine, I was forced forward.

“Hey!” Bash called, smiling that smile that made his fans’ hearts skip. “Thought you’d like to meet Jessa, Jessa Halmand.” He pulled me in front of the group and I felt sick. Jesus, this was just like show and tell in school.

Norman’s eyes flickered to mine, and then roamed over me. “Don’t look much like your book jacket, do you?” I chuckled. “Nice to meet you, Jessa.” He held out his hand and I took it. “I’ve heard a lot about you.” Ah, wonder where from?

I licked my lip nervously. “Same,” I said, giving his hand a light shake. “Thanks for having us.” My hand was still in Bash’s, and I saw his eyes flicker to it. Gah, everyone thought something was going on between the two of us. Especially since he asked me to go with him to one of his premiers.

“Let me give you the tour,” Norman stood, and Bash’s hand left mine. I looked over at him and he shrugged.

“Seen it,” he grinned. “I’ll grab us some drinks. Be here when you get back.”

Great, traitor, I thought to myself. Then again, Bash couldn’t know why I didn’t want time alone with Norman. He didn’t know about Sean and me. Besides, I hadn’t seen Sean at the tables around the food, so maybe he’d left already. Turning to walk beside Norman, I had to wait until we were out of earshot of the others to ask my question.

“Did you hear about me from articles, or from a more personal source?” I asked, my voice still quiet, even over the noise of the music.

“Sean told me about you.” He answered, shooting me a side look. “He told me everything.”

Shit. I felt my blush burn to the roots of my hair. I only nodded, gulping and wishing I had the drink Bash promised me. “Oh.” Was the only thing I said, before he kept talking.

“He’s in the house.” Norman’s voice, gruff, but with a different cadence than Sean’s was as quiet as mine was. “He won’t force you to talk to him. I won’t either, but he had hoped to have a say before he left your house the other day.”

I nodded. “I know,” I said, biting my lip. “Thought a clean break would have been for the best.”

“Not really your call to make,” He answered, and kept walking toward the backdoor. “Partially your call, but not fully.” He opened the door and looked down at me when I started in. “He’s a shit, I know, but he’s a shit with feelings.”

I looked up at him, and was struck by the light blue of his eyes. No wonder they picked him as Sean’s fraternal twin in the movie. Their eyes were just enough the same to make it work. “I never said he didn’t have feelings. And he’s not a shit.” I bit out. My answer shocked him, but he smiled.

“Good,” he said, letting me pass him. “Then have a fucking conversation, so he can let fucking go.” I felt his hand on the small of my back giving me a push. “Go,” he ordered. “I'll keep Seb busy.”

I sighed, looking around and wondering where Sean would be. Please God, I thought, not a fucking bedroom. Thankfully, I heard a noise from the family room. Turning into it, there he was, sitting on the sofa looking as down as the first night I met him. “Gotta stop meeting this way, Sean.” I said, and he looked up with a sad smile.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Tired of other guys having to be my wingman with you.” He patted the sofa next to him, but I took the chair instead.

“I should have let you in the other day.” I said, giving him a nod. “That wasn’t fair, I’m sorry.”

He nodded back. “I understood why you didn’t want to. I mean, I think I do.” He sat back and I saw the same defeated look he’d held the first night. “Hell, I’ve got that note you left memorized.” He ran his hands over his face and through his hair.

I was clutching my hands together in my lap. “I never wanted to hurt you, Sean. That wasn’t my intent.” I sighed, and fell back against the chair cushions. “My best friend says I have this need to make people’s choices for them, by taking myself out of the equation. She’s right, but the truth is, I think we both knew this was how it was going to work out.” I gestured between us. “Seeing Lauren that day, in the flesh, looking exactly like you did that first night-” I didn’t want to mention that he still looked like that, because it would ruin my choices. “Made it real. We were living in a bubble, Sean. A bubble that was gonna burst, sooner or later. Seeing her made me remember the book you wrote, a book about a granddaddy giving his grandson advice to live by. And that’s what made me write you the note and go. Because you wrote that book, and while some of it was fiction, the parts about the grandpa and his little one weren’t. I just reminded you.”

His eyes were glassy and I hoped he wouldn’t cry. It would break me. Break this boundary I created. “I know.” He nodded. “I know why, and I even know you’re right.” He gave me another one of those smiles that could ruin a woman. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it, agree with it, or embrace it.”

I chuckled. “Why isn’t it working, Sean?” I pointed at his ring, which he was worrying with now. “Why aren’t you letting it?”

“We started therapy.” I nodded, hoping he’d continue. “You know how I feel about that shit, but I agreed. Found out it works better if both parties are being honest.”

“You haven’t told her.” My eyes widened. “You didn’t tell her about me? Why?”

He looked at me like I was insane. “How I felt about you was fuckin’ real, Jess. How the fuck do I sit in that office and admit that I had this brief, real relationship, and the ONLY fuckin’ reason I’m sitting across from the headshrinker and beside her is because you sent me home?” He groaned, and again rubbed his face. “I HAD to tell someone. So I told Reedus. He thought I was fuckin’ crazy. Not about therapy, not about anything to do with my marriage, but YOU. Said I lost my fuckin’ balls by just lettin’ ya go.” He grinned, and glanced at me. “Couldn’t tell him that you’d have knocked my ass in the dirt if I ran after ya. He doesn’t know you like I do. Thinks I coulda won ya over with my charm.”

I laughed at that. “Poor Norman, doesn’t have a clue.” I sighed. “Tell her, Sean. Tell her everything. You’ll get peace, and your life will work out like it’s supposed to.”

“Won’t have you in it,” he grumbled. “Not havin’ ya, even as a sounding board, that’s killin’ me worse than the rest. Got used to you after a fuckin’ week. Nothing seems the same.”

I swallowed, and gave him an offer that I prayed I wouldn’t regret. “Tell her, and I promise we can try to be friends. I’ll answer the shit ton of texts you send daily.” He shot me a look. “What? I didn’t block you, I just didn’t answer.”

“Did you read ‘em?” Sean asked, curious overriding irritation for now.

“Most were the same thing over and over.” I rolled my eyes. “You’re one sappy mofo, Sean, but yes, I read them.”

I watched as he grew pissed off. “And you couldn’t send even a ‘k’ or whatever kids do these days? Fuck, Jess, I thought you’d wrote me completely off. I saw that you unfollowed me online. Shit, if I’d known-” He had stood up and was pacing.

“Sean,” I said, forcing him to turn. “It wasn’t a good idea. If I’d sent the ‘k’ or thumbs up, what would you have done?”

Realization flashed across his features. “I’d have rushed to you.”

I nodded. “Exactly. You have to realize that we’re not going to work. You and me? Not happening.” I stood up and faced him. “You’re where you need to be. With your boys, and whether you want to believe it or not, with HER.” I reached for his hand and he gave it to me. “Friends, or nothing, Sean. Your choice this time.”

I turned to leave and heard him laugh. “You’re something, Jessa Halmand. You know that?”

“That’s the rumor.” I answered, walking back outside to the backyard and the party.


	2. Chapter 2

The party and barbeque went smoothly after Sean and I had our showdown inside. No one was the wiser, and eventually I noticed that he’d made it outside too. Bash was having a great time, trying beer pong, and not doing horribly, but still getting a little tipsy. I was standing nearby watching him play when I felt someone on my left side.

“So you and Seb?” Norman asked, watching the game with me.

I shook my head. “Everyone thinks so, but no.” I glanced up at him. “He’s one of my best friends. Think of me as his beard, you know the person who takes the flack while he’s dating someone else. Bash hasn’t found the someone else, but I fill the blanks.” I shrugged, turning back to watch Bash laugh as he won another round.

“Who is it then?” He asked, and my brows furrowed. “That you’re dating?” He finished.

I laughed. “No one.” I glanced at him again, still giggling. “Not much of a dater, thought you said he told you all about me.” Sean was up against Bash now, and I watched, laughing at the two of them. All bark and no bite.

“He told me about your time together, and that you weren’t like anyone he’d ever met.” Norman said, turning to watch the two men play a round. “Some specifics, but nothing you’d have the need to blush about.”

I nodded. Didn’t think that Sean would kiss and tell, at least not graphically. “I don’t really date.” I said, shrugging again. “Not that great at it.”

He gave a nod, but still looked a little confused. “There’s been no one since Sean?” He asked, voice low so only I could hear. I giggled loudly enough for Bash and Sean to look at me.

Smothering my laughter with my hand, I shook my head at the two of them, poised to play with their mouths open. “Keep going, boys!” I shouted and looked at Norman. “You two really are more alike than I gave you credit for being. When we met, he couldn’t grasp that being single and not dating for close to twenty years meant CELIBATE for that long. So yes, to answer your question, there have been others since Sean, but no relationships. I’m not good at those.”

Bash didn’t beat Sean, so I commiserate with his tipsy ass, as we wandered away. He was leaning into me and I could feel the stares against our backs. Screw them, I thought. No one had to understand our friendship, or my relationship status. That was ours, and mine. Fuck the rest of the world.

As I drove Bash home, listening as he giggled through a tale I watched unfold with my own eyes, I was shocked when he told me he’d given Norman my number. “What the hell would possess you to do that?” I asked him, as he leaned against the door.

“Asked me for it.” He said, grinning and singing a song that bore no resemblance to any I’d ever heard.

Great, I thought, this drunk fool just gave my number out when anyone asked for it. I shook my head and opened my window, praying he’d be able to keep his stomach contents inside until we reached home. Getting him up the shallow steps to the front door was hindered by the fact that the man weighs a ton, muscle is heavier than fat after all, and he kept trying to get me to dance.

“Damn it, Bash, stop fighting me.” I said, elbowing him into the door. “Let’s get inside, and then I’ll dance with you all across the damn house. Fruit loop.” He let me open the door and followed me inside, but I nearly missed closing it when he wrapped me up in his enormous arms.

“Said you’d dance wit’ me, Jessa.” He whispered into my hair. “So let’s dance.”

I groaned, and reached my toes out to close the door. “Let me lock up, Bash, fuck, could you let go for like a minute?” I danced him backward so I could turn the locks. “You’re crazy!” I laughed, as he rocked us back and forth. “Lucky I love ya, Bash, now let’s dance to the living room.”

When I finally got him to the sofa, I pushed and he landed in a heap. The dogs ran forward, licking his face and hands and he was a giggling mess. “Hey, puppies.” He sighed, lying back on the sofa as I pulled off his shoes. My littlest dog, Ali was nuzzling him and I swear making sure he wasn’t dying. “Aww...they’re kissin’ me, Jess.” He sighed and it turned into a snore.

I shooed the dogs down and rolled Bash onto his side, with a trash can under his face. Figuring he wouldn’t need a blanket, since he was still fully clothed, I did grab him some ice water and a couple of ibuprofen. Those set in arm reach, I turned off the lights, except for the hall one, so he could find the bathroom if necessary. Dropping a quick kiss on his lightly sweating forehead, I smiled at the goof and called for the dogs to go out one last time before bed.

Once everyone was finished their last potty, the dogs and I went to my bedroom. As I got ready for bed, I heard the ding of a text message. Thinking it was Mackie checking on Bash, or even Sean making sure I was serious, I didn’t recognize the number. The message made it click for me.

Making sure you got Seb’s drunk ass home safe. Let me know that you made it?

Norman Reedus. Thanks to Bash he had my cell number. It was sweet that he was checking on us though, so I sent back an affirmative and my thanks for his checking in. Then another ding as I was washing up and pulling on my nightclothes.

Good. Want to have lunch this week?

I sighed, wondering why he’d want to have lunch, then thinking it was another set up to have Sean and I in the same room. I was about to answer when another message came in.

He’s leaving tomorrow. Has to get home. Just you and me.

I groaned, and considered my options. At least Sean would be back with his wife and kids, but why did Norman want lunch with me? I wasn’t needed on set constantly, but I still wasn’t sure about why he wanted to share a meal. Then I realized that I was putting way too much emphasis on myself. Like I was so important. Fuck it, I thought.

Sure. When and where?


	3. Chapter 3

A few days later, after Bash had spent two days apologizing for the enormous hangover he’d incurred to himself and me, I was driving back to Norman’s house. It would be better to have lunch without the selfies and questions that a public one would entail. Besides, it wasn’t like I didn’t trust Norman. I just didn’t understand his interest. Was he curious because of Sean? Was he confused because of Bash? I knew that I was always a bit of a conundrum. 

I pulled into the driveway and was happy to see that there was a car, a bike, and a smaller more conservatively priced vehicle. I got out and clicked the car closed. Walking up to the side door, I smiled when I saw the small woman waiting to let me in. “Hello, I’m-” I started, but she just waved me inside. 

“He’s expecting you.” She said, her smile genuine. “You’re Jessa. I’m Opal, I keep the house up and do a little cooking for Norman. Hope you like what I’ve made today.” Opal said, drawing me further into the house. “He’s in the living room. I’ll call y’all when lunch is ready.”

I continued on, listening for sounds to point me in the right direction. Sure enough, I found the living room down a set of steps opposite where I met Sean. Well appointed, but obviously furnished for comfort and not just show, he was seated on the sofa watching, no playing a video game. “Gamer,” I said, making him jump, “should have known.” 

“Shit, you scared me.” He laughed, tossing down the controller. “Trying out the newest game I star in.” He shrugged at the screen. “Didn’t hear the bell.” 

“I didn’t use it. Opal saw me, let me in before I even had time to knock.” He smiled back at me at the reference to his housekeeper. “She’s impressive.”

“Yeah, she’s awesome. Could give a fuck about who I am,” he laughed. “Didn’t even KNOW who I was. Hired her on the spot.” 

I nodded, and walked to where he’d been sitting. I sat down and motioned to the television where the game was paused. “Don’t let me stop you.” 

He chuckled. “I think it’ll hold.” He turned off the screen and turned to me. “Thanks for comin’. Wasn’t sure you’d show.” Norman looked at me with a shrewdness I hadn’t expected. “Figured you thought it was a trap.”

"I did, but then you told me it wasn’t. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. At least until they have more doubt than benefit left.” I kept eye contact. “Still, I’m not sure why I’m here.”

“Lunch.” He said, smirking. “And, honestly, I want to get to know you. Sean- he doesn’t always think with his higher head, but I’ve never seen him like he’s been.” His eyes narrowed in thought. “You made him twisted in knots. Hell, even not knowing they’d been separated, I knew when you left.” 

I bit my lip, hoping it wasn’t going to be a lunch of bashing my decisions. “I never meant for that to happen.” I said, but he held a hand up to stop me.

“Not blamin’ ya. Just want to know more about you.” He said, smiling to calm my fears. “He said, he said that he’d never met anyone like you before. That you were honest and funny and the whole package.” He leaned back, to get more comfortable. “Guess I’m curious. Hell, Seb? He rarely lets people in. Boy’s got more anxiety than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.”   
I laughed at the metaphor. “Sound like a real southern boy there, Norman.” I grinned. “Bash and I, well I get him, I guess. He’s good people. So is Anthony Mackie.” He was looking at me strangely. 

“I am a southern boy, girl. Don’t you know anything about me?” He grinned. “Hollywood Florida, born and raised.” 

“Yeah, I know a few things.” I said, grinning back. “West Virginia girl here, we tend not to think of Florida as the real south, I guess.” Then I found myself laughing. “Of course, it’s where I live now, so-”

He laughed along with me. “Florida isn’t southern? How fucking more far south ya want to be, woman?” We sobered after a few giggles. “What about Sean?” His focus was clear cut it seemed. He wanted information. 

I sighed. “That’s the million dollar question isn’t it? What about Sean?” I leaned back myself. “He looked so alone, and miserable. I truly DIDN’T go into it wanting to DO anything with him. Hell, I tried to talk him out of it.” I thought about that night and felt sick for giving in. “He’s Sean, though, you know? Beneath the all-man, tough as nails exterior, there’s the goof. And he’s silly and sentimental. And at the end of the day, I gave in.” I looked over to see him studying me. “My own rule, and I broke it.” I shook my head. “I don’t sleep with men who have partners, either wives or long term, or hell a girlfriend they just met. It’s not me. Not who I am.” I gave a harsh laugh. “But give in I did, and then, the last day I was there, I saw his wife. I was at a lunch with the studio, finalizing things, and she was sitting in my line of sight. Looking as miserable and lonely as he had that first night. And I knew. I knew I had to end it. Swift and clean.”

“He showed me the letter.” Norman said, chewing his bottom lip. “Using his own words against him, huh?” 

I stared at the ceiling. “Those words, the ones I put in that note? He wrote them down because they meant something to him, Norman. I didn’t use them against him. I reminded him of who he was, whether he wanted to remember or not. I was the easy out.” I finally looked at him and he was studying me intently. “Sean’s a fighter. Having me, being with me, that was too easy. He needs to fight for what he wants, and he wants his family. Even if he’s still struggling against it. You know that too, right?” 

“Just think you should have let him have a say in it,” he answered, shrugging. “Though, after the party, he seemed more settled. Like it wasn’t eating him alive anymore.” I nodded, good, that was the plan.

“I told him to tell her about me.” I said, facing Norman. “He was holding that back. He told you, but you’re not who he needs to tell to move past it.”

“Promised to keep in touch with him too, though,” he said, staring at me to see if I’d hold up my end of the bargain.

“And I will.” I answered, simply. “Not the way it was, but I’ll answer his texts, I’ll take some of his calls. He needs the peace, Norman. And not having me in any way wasn’t helping, so I’ll give him that much.” 

“Lunch is ready!” Opal called from the kitchen. 

Norman offered me his hand as he got to his feet. “Let’s go eat.’

  
  
That first lunch led to more, until I had Norman, Bash, Tony, and Sean (through texts and calls) to keep up with. Tabbi jokingly complained that I was becoming the free therapist to the stars, but she thought it was great that I was broadening my horizons. I usually rolled my eyes so hard during our Skype calls that she warned me I was going to end up stuck that way. 

“So what’s on the roster for this weekend?” She was asking, as I wrote down her travel plans for the coming week. “Party at Norman’s, dinner at your house, or are all the boys going to just toss your ass in the pool and shout out dive scores for the wet t-shirt contest?” 

“Shut up!” I laughed, shaking my head. “This weekend is a quiet one, all alone. Just me and the dogs.” I sighed. “Norman has his kids visiting, along with Diane. Sean is at a Con of some sort. And Bash and Tony went back home for the weekend.” 

“Dear God,” Tabbi sighed. “Whatever will you do with all that time alone?” 

“Write.” I said, sticking my tongue out. “And do some editing. Don’t want to get behind, do I?” 

My best friend gave me a look. “You could go out and MEET someone. Jesus, it’s been awhile since you’ve had anyone who couldn’t be called BOB.” I laughed. “You might actually find someone to keep for once.”

“In Georgia?” I asked, knowing that my disinterest was shining through. “I’m good. Maybe you’ll find someone. I mean, Utah, that’s got hot action right?” 

That got us both laughing hard enough to get the hiccups. “You suck.” She gasped. “Gotta go, the phone’s ringing, so it’s probably next week’s client. Get out and find some fun, Jess.” 

“Bye, Tab!” I said, signing out. I sighed. The weekend loomed over me. And while I was planning on writing, I also knew she was right. I was cutting out the world. Putting myself back in my happy little bubble. Sucked that I liked that bubble. 

The dogs started yipping and I knew that meant I probably had company. I walked to the front door and opened it before yips turned to barks. Norman, on his bike, was just slowing down in my driveway. He stopped and put down the stand so he could come up to where I was standing on the porch.

"Thought the family was in town.” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. “What’s got you out my way?”

He stopped at the base of the steps and looked up at me. “They are in town. Mingus, my lil one, and Diane.” He confirmed. “Thought you might like to meet ‘em.” 

I smiled. “Norman, you don’t get them to yourself enough. I’ll get another chance to meet them.” I was about to shoo him back to his family, when I noticed his face. He was chewing his lip like he was about to bite through it. His eyes looked wrong somehow. “Something else wrong?”

He sighed, and it almost sounded like a groan. “Haven’t been completely honest with you.” He said, and when he looked up at me I felt fear blossom. “You’re the most honest person I’ve ever met, and I didn’t tell you the truth.” He sat down on the bottom step and turned to face the driveway. 

“Then tell me.” I said, sitting down on the top step. “The truth is the truth, even if it comes later than you’d wanted.”

“Diane and me,” he started, and I watched his hands clench. “We’re worse off than Sean and his wife were. It’s easier for us to explain our separation. I work here, she lives with my daughter in New York.” I nodded, even if he couldn’t see it. “I’m worse at relationships than you are, hell, it seems good for a few years, but then- it’s not. Two kids, two women who I fight to keep a good friendship with so my two kids don’t get thrown in the middle, ya know?” He finally turned to face me. I smiled at him and nodded. “Fuckin’ fail at each attempt of making a long term thing, but love those kids. Her and me, we’re not so strained that we can’t be in the same house, hell we share an apartment, but it’s not like it was. We’re talking about our girl, or Mingus, but not about anything else. Maybe where she’s scheduled a new movie, or my plans for down here.”

“Why would you want me to go into that, Norman?” I asked, wondering what kind of buffer I could be. 

“Diane, she could use someone unbiased to talk to.” He said, smiling at me. “You’re open, Jessa, you don’t judge. And if you do judge, you don’t do it spitefully. And I want you to meet my kids. Mingus knows about you, he’s talked to me about our lunches, and he thinks it’s awesome I’ve made a friend.” He laughed at the absurdity. “And you’ll adore the lil bit. She makes everyone go gaga.” 

“OK.” I said, hoping I wouldn’t regret it. “I’ll come over. Later.” I agreed. “I’ll bring something for dinner. Pizza good?” 

He nodded, standing up, before he turned to leave, he gripped me in a hug. “Thank you, Jess.” His breath fanned my hair. “Seriously.”

I nodded, and he let go. His smile was easier now, and I wondered yet again, what I was getting myself into with these guys. 

I had four pizza boxes, two smaller cheesy garlic bread boxes, and a couple of bottles of soda in a reusable shopping bag to juggle into Norman’s house. Luckily, someone heard me pull up because I heard the door open ahead. Thinking it was Norman, I started to curse my luck at buying too much when a more youthful chuckle escaped. 

“I think you expected Dad,” he laughed. He grabbed the bag of sodas and reached for the boxes, but I shrugged him off. “Mingus Reedus.” He introduced himself with a grin.

“Jessa Halmand,” I smiled back. Following him to the kitchen door, I noticed we had an audience. The beautiful blonde actress was holding a mini-me and I smiled at them both. “Sorry, about this, I wasn’t entirely sure how much to buy, so I bought a LOT.” 

Diane chuckled and opened the screen door for us. “Good thing,” she said, still smiling. “Teenage boys can eat you out of house and home.” I nodded as Mingus groaned.

“Don’t go ganging up on the boy, now,” Norman said, grabbing the boxes from my hands. “Jessa had one of her own, she’s doing alright.” He winked at me and I giggled. 

“Not sure about the ‘doing alright’ thing,” I said, watching as he and Mingus arranged everything for a pizza buffet. “I’m still paying for his food during college. He’s twenty and I swear the urge to eat has only grown.” I turned to Diane. “I’m sure you know who I am, but I figure formalities have to be recognized. I’m Jessa Halmand.” 

“Diane Kruger.” She answered, and we shook. “Jessa’s short for Jessica?” She asked, and I smiled and nodded. 

“Yeah, my mom named me after my dad. There were always at least two Jessicas in every class and every grade of my life, so any type of change was welcome.” I watched as the boys grabbed plates and glasses from the cupboards. “Jessa was a version not many people used.”

“I’ve read your books.” She said, with a smirk. “They’re good.”

“So I’ve been told.” I answered to Norman’s snort. I turned to see what was so fucking funny. 

He looked unabashed. “So you’ve been told by the best selling list, what now? Five times?” 

I rolled my eyes. “Always the comedian.” I shoved him with an elbow. “Come on, Di, we better grab a plate, or there’ll be none left.”

She laughed at my easy way of dealing with Norman. And she didn’t seem to mind her new nickname. We spent the evening laughing and getting to know one another. And I saw what he told me was true. They were still friendly, but the love and passion weren’t there anymore. Neither seemed upset about it, but it was so very clear. I wondered how the paparazzi couldn’t see it. 

“I think it’s time for me to say goodnight.” I said, handing the now sleeping toddler back to her daddy. “She’s sweetness personified. It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten to play with a little one.” I smiled as she snuggled into Norman’s chest. “Thank you for having me, guys.” Mingus looked up from his video game and grinned. Di was smiling contently from her perch on the chair. 

“It was wonderful meeting you, Jessa.” She said, standing to walk me out. As we left the boys and baby behind, she took me clear to my car. “I worry about him, you know?” I was a little shocked by the change in the evening’s atmosphere from that one statement. 

“Why?” I asked, keeping my voice low. 

She smiled sadly. “We didn’t work out. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, some people, some couples aren’t meant to last forever.” I nodded. “Norman is more sensitive than people give him credit for being. He doesn’t let just anyone in, he’s a little awkward.” Her smile stayed sad and a little nostalgic. “He let you in. And I’m glad. You’re good for him.”

Oh shit. I realized that she thought that we were, no no no. “We’re friends.” I said, hoping I sounded as firm as I felt. “That’s it, just friends.”

Diane looked at me as though I were blind. “For now.” She said, and hugged me. “I just want you to know, I think you’re good for him.” She was taller than me, so her words were said into the top of my head. 

I nodded, and got in my car. “Norman will give you my number. Just in case you ever want to chat. It was nice meeting you too, Di.” 

I left, driving the now familiar route from Norman’s house to mine, and I had to wonder what did everyone else see when I was around the men in my life.


	4. Chapter 4

I let out a long breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. This was the longest period of my life, I swore, but now it was over. Maybe, if the film did well, and I felt that I could finally release it into the care of the studio and screenwriter, I wouldn't have to do this again.

My things were packed, the puppies in their crates, and I was waiting for the realtor to come take the keys back from me. I was leaving Georgia to go home for a good long time. Well, at least until my publisher convinced me to do another book tour. I thought I'd simply feel relieved, but it was bittersweet too.

I'd met Bash and Tony in Georgia. I'd settled things with Sean here. I'd gotten to know Norman here. I'd become friends with Diane, and Mingus counted me among the adults he'd text for advice. Hell, even Mingus' mom, Helena called me from time to time. I Skyped with Norman's baby girl. I kept up with all the things that each and every one of them were doing. While leaving Georgia was getting rid of some stress, it was also leaving a part of my life behind. Luckily, they'd stay in touch.

Mingus made me promise to give him a tour of Disney World and Universal, even if he'd had that tour a million times, he wanted it from a "local". He wanted to take his baby sister there, and see her light up at the princesses. I promised, along with telling him about Dinosaur World that was closer, and a few other attractions that were nearer where I actually lived.

And as I handed the keys to the realtor, I got into the car and tried hard to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill. This wasn't the end. Hell, I'd be lucky if my phone didn't explode from the texts and calls I would have to keep up with. And yet, as the house I rented grew smaller and smaller, I still felt the sadness threaten to overwhelm me.

SIX MONTHS LATER

As I suspected, the texts and calls came fast and furious. Then one day I got two ominous texts back to back from Sean and then Norman.

J-You're gonna get a call from a LA number, answer it. Trust me. Say yes.

The one from Norman was a little clearer, but not much.

Hey girl, so Duffy is gonna give ya a ring. What he asks ya, just say sure. Trust me.

Duffy? Troy Duffy? The writer and director of Boondock Saints, Troy Duffy? I was curious, but also worried. Anytime anyone said "Trust me", usually followed a choice I'd rather not trust. Still, I was intrigued. As far as anyone knew, Duffy was writing a third movie. Maybe he wanted fresh eyes for writing cleanup. Sure, that would work.

A few days later, I heard the phone ring and answered it without looking at the number. I was in the middle of editing so I barely registered the first words out of the person's mouth. So I stopped trying to multitask.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat yourself for me?" I asked, turning away from my screen, lest I be tempted again.

A deep throaty chuckle answered me. "They told me you get a little distracted. I said, 'hey, I'm Troy Duffy, the boys told you I'd be callin'?'"

I rolled my eyes at those two asses. "Yeah, sorry, I was in the middle of editing. Hello, Mr. Duffy. What can I do for you?"

Another chuckle, this time deeper and longer. "Right to the point. I like that." I could hear him shuffling papers. "I have this part, in the third movie, that both Flanery and Reedus think was written specifically for you."

I felt my face drop in a frown. "A part? In your movie?" I asked, trying to make the words make some sort of actual sense. "I'm a writer, Mr. Duffy, not an actress."

"Well, I know that, and you know that, but these two, well they're insisting." He sighed. "I can't make this movie without them. You and I both know that. Humor them, and me, and say you'll read for it? Then if you aren't up for it, they'll move on and I can cast someone else. Fair?"

I sighed, long and loud. I may have muttered about being stupid enough to be friends with the two of them because Duffy laughed again. "Fine. When and where?"

He gave me a time, and a place that was near where I'd stayed my first trip to LA. I agreed to meet him there, but before he said goodbye he laughed and said, "I have a feeling you're gonna be disappointed, doll, they have their heart set on you in this."

I didn't have time to say a word, he just hung up. Damn it. What have I agreed to now?

Tabbi thought it was hilarious. She wished she could witness what was sure to be the most awkward experience of my life. Unfortunately, she had to be in Colorado, during winter. I'd usually feel bad about that, but she was being a shit, so I enjoyed watching her pack heavy winter wear while extolling the sadness I felt at deciding which bathing suit to pack.

"You suck," she said, tossing a pair of thick woolen socks at me. "You keep getting the warm climates to work in and my job's going to send me to Antarctica next."

"Nah," I disagreed, tossing the socks into her suitcase. "They don't really have that many people up there that have 401K accounts."

She rolled her eyes and tossed herself onto her bed. "So, what's the part?"

"It doesn't look like it's much of a part, really." I'd been sent the script, well part of it, to study. "She's a defense attorney who meets with them in the prison. That's really it." I shrugged, wondering if I were missing more than the rest of the script. "Guess because I'm sort of smart, they tossed me a bone."

"How much of the script did you get?" Tab asked, looking over at me.

"No clue." I answered. "Makes sense, these movies are cult classics. If I don't get it, no one can accuse me of leaking the whole thing online out of spite."

"But that means there could be more to your character." She said, watching my face. Seeing me pale at the thought, she reminded me of the couple of times I'd been in plays in high school. "It's not the same as public speaking, you said so yourself, remember?"

I nodded, but still felt a little sick. "I hope to God it's simple." Then I gave a giggle. "Sean and Norman and simple don't seem to work together do they?"

She grinned at me. "If you'd stop acting like their own, more adorable version of Jiminy Cricket, they wouldn't get you into these messes."

I rolled my eyes. "Fuck off." I stood up. "Have a safe trip. I have to go home and pack for my own." Giving her a quick hug and giving her a parting shot. "Don't freeze your tits off!"

I met Troy Duffy in a little room off of another smaller room. It wasn't all glitz and glamour, and I was thankful for that, because I was certain I was wasting everyone's time. We were exchanging pleasantries when the door opened and the two men who got me in this mess walked in. I glared at the two of them.

"See," Sean said, grinning at my obvious ire. "Told ya she had fire."

Norman shook his head, he pulled me in for a hug. "She's irritable because she has to deal with your ass, Sean." He whispered in my ear. "You alright?"

I nodded and pulled back. Sean enveloped me in another hug and I stiffened for a beat, having not had physical contact with him for almost three years. Then I realized it would look strange so I let go of my uptight shit. He felt nice, of course, he'd always feel nice. "Had to get ya here. This part is YOU, Jessa." His breath played against my skin.

"Sure, guys, now you wonder if I'm fine." I pulled away and playfully smacked the two of them. "Let's get this over with."

I went to my bag to open the script pages I'd printed off from the email Duffy sent me, but he stopped me. "Actually, that was an early draft." He handed me fresh pages and had me look over them for a moment. "This is the rewrite."

As I read, my face started to burn. Those assholes. "Wait," I said, holding up a hand. "I thought the character was a defense attorney?"

"She is," Duffy said, smiling at me. "She just evolves a bit."

"Into what?" I asked, reading more of the part I was supposed to play. "A sex obsessed doll?" I looked up and glared at the three of them. "That's a dirty trick from you three."

Duffy looked confused. "No, she's-" He stopped and sat at the cluster of chairs and gestured for us to take a seat. It no doubt didn't escape his attention that each man sat on either side of me. "Let me explain the part to you, her motivation." And he did. I found myself understanding, she wasn't what I took her for from the pages he'd handed me, but I still wasn't sure I could do the part justice. "Try. If it doesn't look or feel right, we'll move on to someone else." He assured me. "I have to tell you, I'm starting to agree with these two assholes, though, you're good for this."

And so, standing, I gave my first attempt at real acting.

MOMENTS LATER

"You guys were right," Duffy said, staring wide eyed at the spot where I'd 'performed'. "She's the one. Shit, thought the room would catch fire."

I was blushing again. I could feel the burn. "Jesus." I sighed, sitting down on the first chair I came to. "Tell me there's more to her than that? For real?"

Sean and Norman reseated themselves on either side. "Yeah, she's intricate to their escape." Sean answered, rubbing my back in what he must have thought would be soothing.

"Her backstory is amazing, the reason she aligns with the MacManus brothers." Norman reiterated, nodding and reaching for my hand. "There's more to her, and damn, wait until you see the credit scene."

Duffy offered me the part, and I realized this was a once in a lifetime offer. "If it starts to look like I'm ruining this damn movie, I mean it, you have to shit can me. Understand?" He nodded, but didn't look convinced that I could ruin it. Shit, more expectations. "OK. I'll do it."

"Get ready to pack for Canada." Duffy said, smiling so big I thought his face would split.


	5. Chapter 5

If I'd laughed at Tabbi about Colorado in the winter, she absolutely cackled about Canada. She thought it was hilarious, and brilliant that I was about to make an absolute fool out of myself.

"Aren't you supposed to be my best friend?" I asked, throwing decorative pillow at her head.

Surprisingly she caught it. "I am, I am." She was still laughing. "I know you said you can't tell me more, but I really want to know more."

"Ugh," I groaned. "Since you have the memory capacity for pop culture like I have for geography, I think some spoilers are safe with you. The character is bigger than I thought. Like way bigger. She helps their plans, and she becomes-" There it was, that fucking burning blush.

"Shit," Tab said, almost whistling. "Two of them? Sean and Norman? Jesus."

"Not Sean and Norman, God, Connor and Murphy." I groaned and grabbed another pillow to bury my head in. "Fuck, I'm dead."

She began laughing so hard that I thought my couch was in danger of being covered in pee. "At least you have experience with dealing with the one," was her shittiest offer of advice ever.

I growled and threatened to kick her out before our food arrived. "You wouldn't," she said, eyes widening. I shook my head. "OK, I'll be good."

Although when we sat down at the table with the food, she couldn't stop herself from asking, "What do you think Norman's kisses will feel like?"

I glared at her, but found myself wondering the very same thing.

MONTHS LATER: CANADA

Ha, I thought, when I arrived at the hotel I'd be staying in during shooting. Canada in the summer, suck that Tab. I checked in and went upstairs, hoping that the suite was at least as nice as the one I'd had in LA. As I was getting on the elevator, I heard a familiar voice call out for me to hold it.

"Hey, you." I said, as Norman rushed on. "I thought you got here a few days ago?"

"I did," he said, smiling down at me. "Just got back from lunch. Would have waited, but you were pretty quiet about your itinerary."

I smiled at him. "I wasn't sure how the flights were going to be." He nodded. "So do we have this entire hotel?"

"This one and one down the street." He answered, his floor was coming up. "Give me a call or text tonight, we'll find dinner." I nodded affirmatively as he got off. "See ya later, Jess."

"Bye." I waved as the doors closed again. Up one more floor and I got out, tugging my suitcases behind me. Halfway down the hall, I opened the door and was pleasantly surprised. The suite was large, with a bedroom, bathroom, full kitchen, and living area. This would do quite nicely. I found a package on my bed, and laughed when I found what I'd asked Duffy to send me after I'd read the entire script.

Your wish is my command, my lady.

Duffy

PS Show those two assholes up, would ya?

I opened the box and found what I'd requested, two guns, the same make and models as the ones from the script, along with a visual diagram of how to take apart and put back together the two. Smiling, I felt determined to make good on that postscript.

I put away my wardrobe, and answered the door when I heard a knock. Outside was a pretty woman and a hilarious guy who I learned were the makeup and hair crew. Or at least my makeup and hair duo. I'd share with Julie Benz, who hadn't arrived yet, her part being smaller in this one. They wanted to discuss the look that Duffy had planned for my character.

"Extensions?" I asked, looking at the hair that reached to the middle of my back. "How fucking long does he think her hair should be?"

They chuckled and Josh, the hair guru answered. "Down to your ass, honey." I sighed, and they clucked their tongues.

"My ass?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "She's an attorney. Why would she want all that fucking hair to contend with?" I realized they weren't the issue, Duffy's understanding of female nature might be. "Fine. Do I get the ones that come out at the end of each day?" A shake of the head was what I got. "Fuck. So when do these magic hair extensions go in?"

Josh opened his case and I sighed. "Today." He said, shrugging. I nodded, clearly defeated.

It wasn't hours, it couldn't be hours, was it hours, later I was finished. My hair, already long and curly, was now down to my literal ass, same color, same texture, but I could sit on it now. And it was fucking heavy. Shit, my head was going to be bowed down by the end of shooting.

"Well?" Josh and Abi asked, tilted heads waiting for the verdict. I looked in the mirror. Aside from the weight, it looked real, and pretty. Fucking ridiculous, but not bad.

"It's nice." I said, moving my hair from side to side. "Fucking heavy. I need to look up a chiropractor." They laughed, and I saw that they understood perfectly. "About makeup?"

Abi smiled, "That's the painless part." She explained that my character would be wearing more natural pallets, enhancing the green in my eyes, bringing out the highlights of my hair. "Duff wants you to look like the type of woman who would turn the heads of two divine vigilantes. So, an Irish looking angel."

I gave a harsh laugh. "That's hilarious. Not a drop of Irish blood in my body, but I have the coloring, don't I?" They joined in. "Do I meet wardrobe tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Josh said, packing his case up with Abi's help.

"Mary is amazing." Abi continued, tossing Josh his glue. "I've seen the sketches, you're going to look amazing."

I nodded and walked them to the door. Outside stood the two assholes. They took in the new hair and grinned. I glared at them.

"We came by to grab you for dinner." Norman said, clearly contemplating touching the new length of my hair.

"Yeah, Reedus said you were gonna text him when you were ready, go worried." Sean agreed.

"Uh huh." I said goodbye to Abi and Josh. "Should go on a hunger strike." I pointed at the hair. "Do you two have any idea how fucking heavy this shit is?"

"Pretty though." Norman said, touching it finally. "Feels real."

"It is," I answered, watching his fingers run through it. "Real human hair, for real human girls."

Sean had to join from the other side. "Huh. How tight did they put it in?"

I raised an eyebrow, watching his fingers do the same as Norman's. "Tight?" I guess really tight? Why?"

"There's a scene," his voice sounded rough, like it had before, in the suite in LA. "It, we-"

I remembered the scene now. "Ah, I think it'll hold up." I pulled the lengths away. "Let me put this shit up, so I don't chew it, and we'll head out." I went back in my suite and heard them follow me. Grabbing a few elastic bands from the bathroom, I twisted and pulled until the majority of my new hair was up, at least enough that I wouldn't choke on it. "OK, let's head out."

At dinner the conversation was on their families, my latest book, and eventually the movie. When the food was finished and we started heading back to the hotel. As they walked me to my suite, Norman asked what he felt was an important question.

"Who has the second key to your room?" His face showed a concern I wasn't sure about.

"Me?" I said, confused.

Sean nodded at Norman's line of questioning. "You should give it to someone you trust on the crew, or cast. In case you get sick or something."

I nodded, understanding now. "I will." I turned to go in and noticed they were both waiting expectantly. "Oh, not you two." Their looks changed to confused. "The two of you together are probably massive pranksters, so I'll give it to someone, just not the one of you." They were gaping at me now. "Night."

I closed the door and had a good laugh. Jesus, I'd have to be insane to hand the key to one of them. Shaking my head, I walked into my bedroom to start training. I needed to learn the guns fast, because I wanted the two of them gaping at me again. This was going to be fun.


	6. Chapter 6

I had a new routine. Mornings were spent making breakfast for myself in the full kitchen of my suite. I'd found a chiropractor, which I visited every few days. I shopped after shooting, unless it was a late shoot, then I shopped before. And I Skyped my family and Tabbi almost daily. Interwoven were texts and calls from the rest of my group. It sucked that I couldn't tell anyone what I was doing in Canada, but we'd all agreed that my part in this movie was going to be kept under wraps.

Norman found the dictate harder to follow than me. He's a huge kid on sets, and loves posting behind the scenes shots. Unfortunately, Duffy kept taking his phone to make sure I was nowhere near any of the damn shots. Since the premier for the movie based on my book, people knew who I was now. Having my face show up in pictures of this movie would leak the news and make people go into a tailspin. And so, like a petulant school boy, Norman would hand the Iphone to Duffy and he'd check to make sure no full or partial face shot of me would be shared.

The hair, useless as I felt it was, became a part of the character. It was wrapped on top of my head, braided down my back, or tossed over a shoulder depending on the scene. And I only had one falling out with Mary, the wardrobe head. She really wanted me in those stiletto heels, and explaining to her that my center of gravity didn't work well with heels higher than an inch, was the most painful experience of my life. So finally, I showed her, and nearly broke my damn leg in the process. Louboutins are gorgeous, but the ones she picked would have to go on someone else's feet.

Filming was pretty interesting. I'd only acted in a few plays, and those were in front of a darkened audience in a high school theater. This was almost as painless. Playing pretend in front of two men I knew pretty damn well, a director and writer who I was coming to trust, and the dozen or so others who were fast becoming friends. And so, it wasn't nearly as terrifying as it could have been. Well, until the couple of scenes I was absolutely shaking from the thought of having to perform.

"You look nervous," Sean whispered to me, as he pulled me to him. I bit my lip to keep from yelling at him. "Don't be, not like we haven't done this before."

Asshole, I thought, feeling completely exposed in the nightie that I was certain was Mary's way of getting me back for the heels. "It'll be fine," Norman's whisper against my ear made me shiver. "You've knocked everything else outta the ballpark, this'll be a piece of fuckin' cake for you."

I felt his warmth against my back and steadied myself. Sure, I thought, I'd done pretty decently up until now, but up until now it was simple faux flirting. We had ALL our clothes on. This fucking sequence was half naked for them, and this fucking nightie that made no sense at all to me was gonna be my downfall. I nodded, hoping neither of them would pay attention to my shaking hands, or my fight or flight twitching in my body.

"Ready?" Duffy called, and before the three of us could give the affirmative, he offered this lovely direction. "Make it look as real as you're comfortable with, guys." Shit, why not give these two the keys to the kingdom.

"Ready," Sean and Norman breathed against me. I gave another shaky nod and "Action" was called.

Suddenly, Sean's mouth found mine and my right hand curled around his neck as my left reached behind to pull Norman tighter into my neck. I felt their hands, both grasping at my barely covered skin, across my collarbone and their bodies flush against me. When Sean's hand cupped my ass, I knew this was a line too far, and I pinched his neck, hard. He bit my lip, but pulled away.

"Good, good," Duffy said, watching the screen, not the real deal. "Now y'all can switch."

Shit, I thought, let's just flip this around. Luckily kissing Norman would be less stressful, less like the past. I turned to face him and he gave me a sweet smile. "You ready, Jess?" He whispered, and I nodded as I felt Sean's body press against my back.

"Action." And then, as Norman's mouth replaced Sean's, I realized I didn't know shit. My right hand found his hair and I moaned into his mouth and his hands were yanking me to him, away from Sean entirely. I fought to use my left to pull Sean back to us, but felt him have to take the initiative and wrap it around his neck himself. I felt him chuckle against my neck and couldn't make my mind work to figure out why. I felt Norman's teeth against my bottom lip and nipped back at him. "Cut."

I was gasping as our foreheads pressed together'. "Jesus, you two want to set the fucking set on fire?" Sean asked, pulling away and chuckling.

I tried to turn to glare at him, but Norman held me tight. "Don't move," he groaned, not yet. I could feel the reason he didn't want me to turn, it was poking me quite incessantly. "Damn, girl, that's not how I wanted our first kiss to go."

I raised an eyebrow as I pulled my face from his. "You planned on kissing me?" I asked, smiling up at him. "How long was this plan in place, Norman?"

He chuckled and pulled me against his chest. "Shit, since the first time I laid eyes on you. Even knowing how you turned his dumb ass in knots wasn't enough for me to stay away." I felt his hands running along my back, holding me lightly. "Wasn't sure you'd welcome it."

I nodded, feeling our heartbeats slow and his rising need come under control. "I might not have." I admitted. "Kind of swore off actors, you know?"

"Lucky for you, I'm not an actor." I gave him a look and he smiled. "Well, wasn't supposed to be." I laughed.

"Looking for a loophole?" I asked, smirking. "I think you're safe." I winked, and pulled away. "We're holding up the shoot."

Duffy and Sean were standing aside shooting glances our way. "What's next?" I asked, smiling when they looked abashed.

"Pay up." Sean said, nodding in my direction. I looked at him confused. "Not you, him." He pointed at Duffy.

"It was a kiss, and she just stood there so Reedus wouldn't be embarrassed that he was affected by it. Not paying up until there's proof." Duffy argued.

I crossed my arms over my barely covered chest. "What's the bet?"

Sean shook his head. "None of your business."

I glared. "Seems like it's about Norman and me, so that would be very much my business." I felt Norman's wrap around me from behind.

"Jessa's right." He said, breath fluffing the hair on top of my head. "What's the bet?"

They both groaned. "Fine," Sean answered. "We had a wager on how long it was gonna take you dipshits to realize how ya felt about each other." He shrugged.

"And I'm not buying it." Duffy answered. "One kiss? It was scripted and Jessa's a damn good actress. Hell, I couldn't be sure y'all weren't in on it."

I rolled my eyes. "You're both infantile." I felt Norman's hands tighten around me. "How much?"

"What?" Sean asked, curious about what I was asking.

"The bet," Norman answered, his arms still tight around me. "How much did you bet?"

I smiled, he was pretty good at keeping up with me. "Yeah, I want to know what our dinner budget is for the night. Since you're both paying."

The groans grew as I turned in Norman's arms and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. "Later." I promised, and pulled away to go get out of the obscene nightie and into comfy clothes.

Dinner that night was extra sweet, as was my smile when Duffy mentioned that we'd be filming the scene I'd spent almost two weeks preparing for. After dinner, Sean and Duffy made themselves scarce and it became a bit awkward.

"Let me walk ya back to your room." Norman said, his voice low and gruff. I smiled at him and we left the restaurant. It wasn't far from our hotel, but the walk was unbearably quiet.

I laughed, and he jerked to look at me. "Sorry, it's just- this." I gestured between us and the silence. "We've never been this quiet. Suddenly, one kiss and we can't freaking talk."

His lips quirked into a half smile. "It was quite the kiss." An eyebrow raised to challenge me to deny it.

I nodded. "Sure was. Think we may have embarrassed half the crew." I chuckled, Mary had been blushing when I showed up to get out of the cursed nightie, and Josh and Abi looked like they were holding back giggles.

"Nah," he shook his head. "Think they were jealous." He chuckled with me. "Jealous." He pulled me into him, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "Jesus, did you really pinch Sean earlier?" His lips were close to my head when he asked and when I nodded he gave a bark of laughter. "Why?"

"He was getting a little too re-familiarized with the past." I said, smiling up at him. "Thought I'd remind him of his obligations to his family." I gave a little shrug.

Norman's eyes were twinkling with laughter as we made it to the elevator. "You're something, you know?" I bit my lip. "Don't bite that," he whispered as the doors closed and left us alone. "That's my job now." And he showed his determination for the job. Pulling me into his arms, with no one watching this time, he kissed me. And just like when we were filming, I reacted with a moan, and this time both hands found his hair. We were pressed chest to chest when the door dinged to tell us we'd reached my floor. A nip at my bottom lip and he pulled reluctantly away. "We're here."


	7. Chapter 7

Norman’s hand held mine the entire way from the elevator to my room. My eyes widened when he pulled a key card from his pocket and opened the door. Chuckling, he ducked his head to whisper in my ear. “Duffy didn’t think he should keep your spare key since-”

I giggled and pulled him inside. “Can I trust you with it, Norman?” I asked as the door clicked shut behind us.

He nodded and yanked me into his body. “I think I’m up for the responsibility.” Our lips met and I grinned, remembering earlier during the scene.

“Kind of think you’re up for almost anything.” My eyebrow quirked.

We ended up on the sofa, wrapped up in one another, one kiss bleeding into another. After one more heart pounding kiss, he pulled back and smoothed the loose hair away from my face. “We can slow down.” He whispered, his blue eyes shining down at me. “There’s no rush. Have all the time in the world.”

My heart lurched. He clearly wanted MORE. So much more than friendship. More than FWB. Norman wanted US. “You want a relationship?” I could hear the uncertainty in my own voice.

He nodded and held me. “I know you don’t think you can, Jessa. I know your default is cut and run.” His finger traced my lips. “You’re afraid. Don’t let that fear hold you back from me.” I felt like crying. “Let’s try. Come on, Jess, give us a chance.”

I nodded. I had to try. I fought against the voice in my head. A voice that sounded eerily like my late mother, warning that I sucked at relationships. Reminding me of my less than stellar marriage. That my choices sucked. It warred with what I saw in Norman’s face. His sincerity. The way he was with his kids, how he was still so playful. I had to trust him, us, this.

“Then,” he said, voice quiet, “tonight, let’s just sleep together. I mean, really just sleep. I wanna hold ya, Jessa. That’s enough for right now.”

I smiled and led him into the bedroom. I’d given my study materials back to Duffy and was happy that I’d packed some pretty, if practical night clothes. I used the bathroom first. Removing my makeup, brushing my teeth, braiding the extra hair so it could be roped away from my face, and then I dressed for bed. I came out to see Norman standing shirtless in front of the window. Still wearing his jeans, I leaned against the bathroom door frame to study him.

“I can feel you staring.” He whispered, not turning.

I licked my lips. “I’m wondering why you don’t do more self portraits.” He cocked his head to the side, listening. “I’d damn sure buy a copy of what I’m looking at now.”

Norman chuckled and turned. “Give it to ya for free.” Winking he passed me with a soft kiss on my temple. “Be back in a sec.”

“There’s a spare toothbrush on the counter.” I said, moving to the open curtains. While he got himself ready for bed, I shut them all, even leaving the bedroom long enough to shut the ones in the other room. When I came back he was opening the door and letting the light spill out into the semi-darkness I’d created.

“What are you doing?” He asked as I rechecked the curtains framing the bed.

“Since that accident you had, the light bothers you.” I turned and found him studying me like I had him. “Don’t want your first morning with me to start with pain.”

His smile was so easy and sweet. “You’re something else, aren’t you?”

“That’s the rumor.” I laughed as I turned down the blankets. I saw he was stripped to his underwear. “Let’s get comfortable.”

He pulled the blankets on his side down, after turning off the bathroom light. I’d left my laptop open on the bedside table so it wasn’t completely dark. We mirrored one another getting into bed, and met in the middle. Pulling me to lay curled into him, with my face cradled on his chest, felt so damn natural. We fit so well together. I didn’t even notice as we both started drifting off, that’s how effortless it was.

Simple. Sweet. I guess both words really did work with Norman Reedus.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JUST A QUICK QUESTION: I know the decision is ultimately mine, but for the couple of people following and enjoying this story let me ask you this: Do you think that Sean would give up as easily as he has, or do you think that he'd give another try to tempt Jessa into choosing him? I'm not talking about hurting Norman, just that Sean might want to understand her choice, and maybe try to remind her of what they had? 
> 
> Send me a comment or whatever to give me your input. I'm seriously curious. :)

Waking up wrapped in Norman’s arms with his bare chest flush against my back, steady breath fanning my hair had me smiling. His body heat was comforting against me.

The curtains worked. Only the slightest hint of light could ve seen around the edges of the dark fabric. Since we weren’t due on set until midday, we probably had hours free yet. That thought cheered me even more. And since Norman was male, his obvious morning wood was pressed tight against my body and only fanned the flames that were starting.

I bit my lip and rubbed myself against him. His arms tightened around me and my smile grew. Arching my back, I rolled my hips, earning the shift of his own hips so there wasn’t a breath of space between us. His hand moved, sliding slowly down my body. By the time he finally cupped my hot, damp need I was panting. His lips brushed my shoulder as he palmed me through my sleep shorts. I ground my body against his hand, and rolled my hips against his hardness. His teeth nipped my shoulder and I moaned.

“Could get used to waking up like this, Jessa.” His voice was raspy from sleep. “How about you, baby?” A flick of his tongue against the side of my neck, another gasp from me. “Think you’d like making this a new morning ritual?” He thrust his hips against me, letting me feel just how much he wanted me.

Another moan, and then I was on my back and he was hovering over top of me. I cupped his face as he lowered it to my own. Our lips met and I felt him press his body down. His hips between my legs, our need pressing together through too many layers for my liking. I arched into him, wanting friction, needing more pressure. He rolled into me, reverse dry humping me into the mattress.

Foreheads pressed together, our lips parted and our eyes locked on one another’s. My hands were sliding over the skin of his back, digging my nails slightly into his skin as he hit the right spot with his hard shaft. A long moan came from me as I rolled up against him. One hand held his upper body off of me, while the other gripped my hip, digging into the soft flesh as we rutted against each other’s clothed sex.

I felt his entire body tense, and mine felt like I was on fire. And we both came, our mouths searching for one another as the rush of climax bowled us over. Breathing like we’d ran a marathon, which we did sort of, Norman collapsed on top of me. His face pressed against my neck, kissing gently as we both came down. My hand moved to his head, smoothing the hair that was still slightly spiky from sleep.

Our breathing finally calmed, and Norman rolled over to the side that he’d slept on and pulled me to him. I felt his lips touch the top of my head as I curled around him. I laid my head on his chest, my hand over his heart. And felt pretty fucking satisfied, especially for someone who hadn’t actually had sex.

“That was,” I closed my eyes, “pretty fucking amazing.” I felt his chuckle vibrate against me. I sighed and looked up.

Norman’s eyes were bright, even in the dimness of the room. “I’d say. Haven’t done that for so long I forgot how hot it could be.” His thumb traced my face. “Jessa, you have me acting like a horny teenager.”

I smiled. “Dry humping,” I shook my head and bit my lip. “One of my favorite things in the entire world of sex that isn’t really sex.”

He shifted his other arm so it helped him recline a bit. “Really?” He studied my face. “Any others?”

I slid up his body until my face was over his. “Sex that isn’t really sex? Oh, one or two.” I answered, leaning forward and kissing his lips gently.

His free hand cupped my hip, pressing me tighter against his side. “You gonna tell me, or tease me?”

I grinned. “I am showing you, Norman.” I kissed him again, sucking his bottom lip into my mouth. Hearing him moan, I released his lip and licked into his mouth. I felt his head drop onto the pillow under him and then his other arm was wrapping around me. I pulled back, meeting his eyes when they opened. “Kissing.” I sighed, and bit my lip again. “Definitely sex that isn’t really sex.”

“Mm-hmm,” his lips were kiss swollen and his pupils were probably blown wide. “I’ll make a note of both. Any other tips to keep you happy and satisfied, Jessa?”

I chuckled and shook my head. “Oh, I’m sure there are some, but I can’t make it that easy on you, can I?”

HOURS LATER ON SET

Troy was grinning like a maniac as he watched me approach Sean and Norman as their characters cleaned their guns in the scene. Wearing my character’s work clothes of a pencil skirt, button down shirt, and jacket I sauntered up to the men. As our lines played out, I could feel Duffy’s eyes watching us, through both monitor and true vision.

Our characters chatted, and then my hands took Sean’s gun parts and proceeded to keep the conversation going and put the gun together without looking at them. Sean and Norman were silent, and I was trying to fight a full blown grin at their mouths hanging open.

“CUT!” Duffy yelled, and then he was hugging me from behind. “Fuck, that was hilarious to watch.”

I laughed, Sean and Norman blinking up at me like they’d just seen a ghost crossed with an angel crossed with a devil. “You guys gonna be ok?” I asked, trying to stop my laughter.

“How the fuck-” Sean whispered, clearly undone by my hidden skill.

Norman had regained some of his composure. “When did you-”

Duffy laughed hard. “She is a fucking savant. Asked me for a few prop guns, the instructions on how to take ‘em apart and put ‘em back together. She returned that shit days ago.” He released his hold and smiled down at me. “Never told me she could do it without looking at the pieces though. Shit, that’s fucking awesome. And it looks fucking amazing on film.” He dropped a chaste kiss on my forehead. “The reactions you two had,” looking down at Sean and Norman at the table they’d stayed seated at. “Were fucking perfect. It’s exactly what the brothers would have done.”

“And all in one take,” I said, grinning like an idiot.

“Jesus,” Sean breathed out. “That was-”

“Impressive,” Norman finished, standing finally and reaching for me. “Shit, what other tricks do you have under your hat?”

I pressed against him and winked up at him. “Guess you’ll have to wait and see.” He kissed me gently and I smiled against his mouth.


	9. Chapter 9

The days of shooting started to blur a bit and I had another new routine. Waking up with Norman, teasing, playing, yet staying just this side of not having actual sex. He was clearly proving to me that going slow would work, could work. Then, after showering and doing the bare minimum in dress, we’d head off to work.

It was weird for me, being in a real relationship where we held hands and laughed. Had dinner together in public and didn’t give a shit who noticed. Since Norman and Di’s split had been public since right after I’d met her in Georgia, there wasn’t a fear of the title of ‘homewrecker’ being thrown at me.

On set we’d separate. He’d go off to have his tattoos replaced or touched up. His Murphy persona built in hair, makeup, and costume. And I’d be off with Josh, Abi, and Mary getting into my own character’s head. Then the scenes, some with me, most without. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I nearly forgot the other scenes I had dreaded during the rewrite. Nearly got so lost in the fact that at the end of the shooting hours, Norman and I would grab dinner (or we’d cook in one of our kitchenettes), and then fall into bed again. The hours spent with Norman made me want more, so much more. He was adamant, it could wait. We had plenty of time for the main attraction. I’d laugh, we’d find other ways to keep ourselves from setting the room on fire from the need.

And then, at the end of a night of shooting, Duffy reminded me of the schedule for the next day. Shit, I nearly banged my forehead on the makeup counter in front of me where I was sitting while Abi removed the majority of her craft. I guess I’d put the whole thought of those scenes to the far reaches of my mind because they were the ones that I truly fucking worried about. Gun rebuilding with my eyes closed? Not an issue, but what was coming? I felt my entire body blush.

Duffy laughed as he took in my look of utter angst. “Oh, come on, Jessa!” He said with far too much glee and pep, “it’ll be a fucking cake walk.” I rolled my eyes and nodded for Abi to continue with her work. “So tomorrow is the scene with Sean-” I shot him a dark look that I was certain he wouldn’t be able to decode. “Then the next with Norman.” He glanced up from the schedule he held. “I think Mary wants to show you the, um,” he stopped, searching for the right word to fill in the blanks for what would barely cover me during my walk of shame. “Costume.” He offered, backing out of the trailer.

Abi was looking at my face intently as she finished with the removal of my makeup and used a nice moisturizer so my skin wouldn’t dry out. “You look like you’d rather eat a snake than do those scenes.” She kept massaging my face, trying to get at least the tension out of that part of me. “Figured you and Norman would be old hat at that type of thing by now.” I glanced up at her with a tiny glare. “Oh, come on, Jessa. There’s a ton of shit worse than faking passion with two hot men.”

I shook my head at her logic. Of course that’s what everyone would see. Sean and Norman, two hot actors, and me, the lucky bitch who gets to fake a roll in the hay with each of them. No one would know that I’ve already done the actual rolling with Sean-multiple times. And everyone assumed I was with Norman, because we live in the 21st century and every normal couple that was our age were in fact doing it. Little did they know.

Norman could sense my unease that night. We were laying in bed, facing one another, and just touching when he finally asked me what I was worried about.

“Well for one, I’m worried about the ‘costume’ as Duffy called it.” I snorted at the thought of the scrap of nothing that was supposed to act as a barrier between me and either man. “And the other thing that freaks me out is that I’ve been able to keep Sean as far away as I want him to be, and tomorrow-”

Norman’s arms pulled me to him and then rolled over so he was hovering over me. “Are you worried that he won’t keep his mind on the script and push too far?” He asked, kissing my lips gently before pulling back. “Or are you worried that what you felt before will rekindle?” He lowered his face again and brushed his lips along my jaw.

I sighed at the feeling of him. “I don’t know,” my body arched upwards, hoping that he’d take the hint and press me into the mattress and make me forget everything. “Both, neither, other?”

He chuckled at the indecisiveness in my voice. “Maybe I should help you with your stress level, Jessa.” His voice was so husky that the pit of my stomach clenched. “If I take your mind off of Sean, and tomorrow, you’ll sleep better, won’t you?” I moaned as his hips rocked down and against me. “Think we may have waited long enough, don’t you?”

My hands gripped at his head, pulling him down for a kiss. Dear God, I thought, enough teasing. I arched up into him, using my body to articulate what I seemed incapable of. Norman took the hint, easily reading me like he’d seemed to from the first kiss. His hands fell to the hem of my sleep shirt that was settled on my thighs, barely covering my completely bare ass. Tugging on the fabric, I lifted off the mattress so he could yank it off. Some of those damn extensions broke free of my ever present braid, making long tendrils tickle my bare skin.

“Jesus,” he breathed, taking a long look. I wished I could see myself as he saw me. His arms wrapped around my bare back and kissed me as he lowered me back on my pillow. He began kissing down my neck as his hands rolled against my breasts. It was wonderful, but not enough, not now. I stopped his further descent down my body.

“Norman,” a breath crossed with a moan, prayer like but firm. “Take your clothes off,” I wet my lips with a flick of my tongue. “We’ve had WEEKS of foreplay-I NEED you.” I wasn’t too proud to beg. Or demand.

He sat up between my legs and I watched breathlessly as he yanked his own t-shirt off and then his underwear. I sat up to meet him halfway on his downfall, kissing him and letting my hands roam a body I was too slowly becoming familiar with. I’d seen him naked, of course, but this was the climax for the longest buildup in history.

We broke long enough to lay back down. He was still cradled between my hips, and I arched upward, trying to find the friction that I’d come to expect from his ridged arousal. I gasped when skin finally met skin. I felt his lips press against the curve of my neck, nipping the skin as he lined himself up with my opening. I arched again, and felt the head breach my opening. And then, Norman who had more fucking reserve and caution than any other man I’d ever known, finally let go. With a single thrust he was buried inside me and I felt my heart lurch. Jesus, was it this good from the first because of the fucking anticipation of it? Or was it this fucking good because it was just HIM?

We came together. I matched each of this thrusts with a roll of my own hips and then it felt like he was everywhere. His hands on my hips, his lips against my chest, and his pelvis tight against mine. My hands were clutching his head, fingers curled in his hair, fingernails digging into his scalp. Our noises mingled, moans and gasps. Names and pleading. And it built, and kept building until finally, we both broke. I was shaking and so was he. His body pressed against mine as we tried to come down from a high that neither of us could have expected.

Our breathing went from ragged to calm. Hearts beating from hard and fast to calm and serene. And I felt his lips searching for mine, and mine answered by finding him easier than a magnet. We kissed, slow and easy. Needing to keep our connection, even with our bodies still pressed tight together.

When we were finally back on earth, or grounded back to the bed, he rolled off of me and I automatically curled into his body. My head on his chest, I sighed in contentment. “I needed that.” I giggled, tired and sated. Feeling more relaxed than I could remember.

His chuckle sounded as tired as I felt. “I think we both did, baby.” I felt his hand brush the stray hairs, tugging gently. “Never assumed that taking our time would end up going off like that.” I felt him start to fade on me.

“I love you,” I whispered, and felt his hand clutch at my shoulder. “I don’t expect you to-”

His other hand tilted my head up to look at him. “I love you, Jessa.” He smiled, even as his eyes were drooping. “Have since-shit I’m not even sure when I realized it.” He sighed, and tried to fight the sleep that was calling us. “I just do. Even if you don’t expect it.” His smirk held as I snuggled against him, feeling the same pull of dreamland.

The next day dawned as it had since our first night together, only this time we woke completely naked and wrapped up around one another. Legs tangled, arms clenched around one another as though even in sleep we couldn’t make ourselves part. I smiled into his chest, feeling the effects of our sleep inducing activity.

“Mornin’, sweetheart,” Norman whispered into my hair. “Damn, I slept like the dead.”

I grinned up at him. “Well, we did have a nice workout before bedtime.” His smile was as breathtaking as he was. “I’m glad we finally got around to the main event.”

He laughed. “I have to be on set early, then I’m finished before-”

I nodded. “I know. Then I get to put on that micro piece of nothing and get to work.” I rolled my eyes. “I keep telling myself how many women would kill for my place.”

“Want me to stay and watch?” I cringed at the mere thought. “Or not.” He chuckled again. “Not into voyeurism, babe?”

It was my turn to laugh. “I have a healthy enjoyment of exhibitionism, but I think I’ll have enough eyes on me today.” I swallowed and tried to smile. “I don’t want you to see that.” I couldn’t explain my reasoning. It wasn’t real, it wasn’t me and Sean, it was my character and his. Yet, the thought of Norman watching it made me feel sick.

“Don’t worry, Jessa.” He pulled me closer and ran his hand down my back. “I’ll let you do your job, and I’ll keep myself occupied with Instagram.” He grinned, thinking about ways around Duffy’s mandate.

“You better behave,” I warned, kissing his neck. “Duffy will kill you if you leak anything.”

Our lips finally met, and for a while we completely forgot about work. Again.

Mary was eyeballing my body, and I was squirming. “Stop wiggling, I have to make sure the pertinent parts are covered.” She barked, kneeling in front of me, her face far too close for my comfort. “Looks fine. I used very strong tape, so it should stay put.” She stood back up and her attention focused on my breasts. “These though,” her hands fucking juggled me. “Well, it’s the best I could do.” I could hear the sigh she was suppressing.

I groaned. “Thanks, really, you’re making this much easier on me.” I heard her chuckle and shot her a glare in the mirror we were both now facing. I kept my eyes on my own face, or hers, I didn’t need the utter embarrassment of seeing me wearing the best showbiz had to offer for modesty in a fake, yet believable sex scene.

“Ah, sweetie, you know you love me.” She grinned and I rolled my eyes. “You do, even if you don’t know it yet.” She gave my bare backside a swat and threw me a robe. “Get moving, you don’t want to hold up the scene.”

Yeah, I did actually, I thought. I tugged on the fluffy robe, a concession I guessed so I wouldn’t have to do a real walk of shame. I took comfort in knowing that the extensions, pulled into a loose ponytail, would cover at least part of my back. Not enough, but if the scene played out well enough, then hopefully the ponytail would fall apart and the whole hair would tumble down.

I sighed and slipped into the slippers that I’d been thoughtfully provided. Walking to set, I absently greeted the people I met. Norman had come in before I was fitted for the scene. Kissing me to calm me down, and telling me he was going back to the hotel to video chat with Mingus and my son. I’d nodded, hoping that he’d keep his word. I was nervous enough without his eyes on me the entire time. I thought about the next time I’d be wearing this ridiculous get up and smiled knowing the scene would be with him.

“Happy to see me?” Sean said, breaking my concentration on the ease of doing the scene with Norman would be. My smile must have faltered because his tone sounded less sure when he offered, “Or not.”

I shook my head and looked up at him. Somehow I’d made it to the set without paying the least bit of attention to where I was going. Muscle memory is an amazing thing. “Sorry, lost in my thoughts.” I tried to smile, but I felt the stress build in my stomach. “Where’s Duffy?” I looked around and couldn’t find him. “Did the shoot get postponed?” I could hear the hope in my own voice even as Sean chuckled.

He gestured with his chin toward the craft services table. “He’s grabbing a snack. Apparently seeing us fake fuck is doing things for his appetite.” He cleared his throat when I looked back to him. “I can empathize.”

I swallowed. Closing my eyes, I willed Sean to make this easy. To not make it weird. To not keep making the awkwardness worse. Opening them to Duffy looking down at me, made it a tad bit better. “Hey you!” I said, tugging the robe tighter around me. “Is this really the time for a donut?” I asked, giggling at the chocolate covered dough he had in his hand.

“Why not?” He asked, motioning toward the plush bed that Sean was standing beside. “I know you’re Norman’s gal and we haven’t done much of the physical stuff since then, but I’m hoping you can fake a bit of interest in poor Sean there.” I coughed out an attempt at laughter. “I know, I know, he’s a troll, but you’re a natural, so it should be nothing for you to fake it.” A scream of nervousness rose in my throat. “Anyway, same direction really. As real as you can take, without making this an actual porno. Gotta pretend it’s classy.” He shrugged his shoulder like he couldn’t imagine the issue. “So, toss the robe to Mary,” I noticed her waiting beside the bed and Sean. “And let’s get it on!”

I would have groaned, but I just made myself push it all to the back of my mind. I could do this. I could crawl into that bed. Pretend I was having sex to Conor MacManus, who happened to be wearing Sean’s face and body, while wearing practically nothing, and not want to throw up. I was great at this. I was a natural at the job. I could do this and I’d do it in one take and be done. One and done. I was almost chanting it as I moved to Mary.

“All right, darling, hand it over.” I felt the scowl building on my face. “Now, now. That doesn't look like the face of a woman in love.” She admonished with a chuckle. “You have to sell it, girl.” And she patted my backside, again.

I huffed a sigh and shot Sean a look. He’d better be wearing that fucking marble bag he’d mocked so hard during the second movie. That dickhead had better have tucked his shit all up inside, nice and tight, because I’d fucking kill him if I felt more skin than I expected. I felt his eyes on my body as I crawled onto the bed. I rolled my eyes and turned over. Rolling my neck to try to ease the build up of tension that seemed to be taking root in my neck and shoulders, I waited.

“ACTION!” Duffy called.

Then I looked over and watched Sean/Connor as he dropped the familiar jeans, and I pretended to look adoringly down his form. I almost broke character when I saw the flesh covering that held him in, thank God. I bit my lip, waiting as he crawled over top of me. Our lips met, and I felt it, what I would feel until the day I died. The lust. It would always be there. I could love Norman until the day I died, but this was still there. And unlike the day Norman and I shared our first kiss, I couldn’t pinch Sean into compliance. I knew he felt that tiny moan that was always pulled from the back of my throat when I was kissed by someone I wanted.

His lips coaxed my mouth to open, then our tongues met. Everything slowed. His hands tight against my skin, touching everything he could reach. Since I was tiny, and he wasn’t, that was everything. He rocked his hips into mine, and even with that fucking pouch, even with my scrap of fabric, I could feel him. Hard and ready, and I knew, when my eyes opened and met his, that he could feel the dampness pooling in me. His head lowered to my neck, his mouth moved up to my ear. “You still want me, don’t you?” It was barely a breath, but I heard it and my eyes flickered closed as I felt another thrust against me. “Good, because I will always want you.” A nip on my ear and I didn’t have to pretend to moan or grip his back. “Always,” he whispered, another thrust. “No matter who you’re with.” Again, and my legs were around his waist. “Or who I’m with.” And again.

Our mouths found one another again, my hands combing through his hair, locking him in place. The burning fire that Sean had always brought out in me was in full fury. My hips rocking up against him, our mouths fighting one another as we moaned and tangled.

The flames doused with one word. “CUT!” I gulped for air, for anything as Sean’s mouth pulled back. “That was fucking fantastic,” Duffy called out. “Better than on paper. Take a minute and I’ll watch the playback, but we might have what we need.”

I sighed and tried to roll over, but Sean just pressed me down and dragged a sheet I hadn’t noticed over us. “Just lay still, darlin’.” His whisper was raspy, still filled with need. “We might have to go again.”

I nearly died of shame. What the fuck, Jessa? I couldn’t ignore it. And I was terrified that Sean wouldn’t either. What he’d whispered, how I’d reacted, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Duffy saved me. “That was fucking hot. Jesus, I may have to-” He stopped. “You guys were fucking great!” He dismissed us, and I was finally thankful for Mary when she came up with my robe.

I felt Sean’s hesitance to move, but I closed my eyes and rolled over, leaving the bed. And him. I let Mary wrap the robe around me and I walked away, not looking back


	10. Chapter 10

When I made it back to my room, for the first time since the first night we spent together, I was relieved that Norman wasn’t inside waiting for me. I slumped against the closed door and closed my eyes. Bad idea- flashes of Sean, hovering over my body rushed in. His face shining down. His blue eyes locked on mine. His need, hard and persistent against my own damp want. That mouth, those kisses. And fuck, the words.

“Always.” Like honey, thick, slow and sweet.

I thumped my head against the door to wrench my mind and body away from the traitorous memory. Jesus. This movie was the dumbest fucking thing I’d ever agreed to. I should have said no. Should have turned it down flat. Even if- Norman’s face flashed in my mind. The feelings I had for him. The love we shared for one another. Being here helped that along, but I was pretty damn sure we would have found it anywhere, eventually.

Growling at myself, feeling frustrated with myself. With Sean. With Duffy and his gooey fucking chocolate frosted donut. With Canada. With these heavy fucking extensions. I stomped off the shower, adding to the list as I went. That nightgown that Mary picked out, fuck that bullshit. The piece of scrap that was supposed to protect my modesty today, damn that to hell. I got in the shower after the water turned as hot as I could stand, then I scrubbed myself until my skin tingled. By the time I stepped out, between the heat of the water and the harsh scrape of my loofa, most of my irritation seemed to go down the drain. Most, but not all of it.

I threw on a pair of yoga pants and one of Norman’s t-shirts that he’d left. Smelling the lingering scent of him on the fabric helped calm me a little more. Hearing the door open, I was nearly back to my normal self. Until I realized he’d brought company along.

Norman scooped me up into his arms and kissed me as my eyes closed to our guest’s presence. He pulled his head back and smiled at me. “Sean asked if he could join us for dinner, that’s ok, isn’t it?” I nodded , but kept my focus on him. “Tried to call you, but you must have been in the shower.”

“Yeah, I really felt like a nice hot cleansing shower.” I knew my smile was probably tight, but I couldn’t contend with trying so hard today. “So what are we doing for dinner?”

Sean coughed, clearly attempting to draw my attention to him. He only managed to get Norman’s. “Since Jessa seems ready for an evening in, we could do takeout.”

“Chinese,” Norman answered immediately as I giggled. “Sorry, do you guys want something different?”

I grinned up at him. “Sounds good to me.” I started to reach for my phone, but Sean’s voice stopped me.

I forced myself to meet his gaze, and felt my body react without my fucking permission. That damn flutter in my stomach. “I got it. Reedus, what’s your pleasure?” Norman rattled off his order, and I started to give mine, but he cut me off again. Shaking his head, he smirked. “Chicken and broccoli, steamed rice, and a small order of sweet and sour chicken without the sweet and sour sauce.” Chuckling, he turned his away to place the order.

I tried to remember how often he and I had eaten Chinese together, alone or with Norman and the others. I counted twice. Two times total, and yet he recalled the exact order that I preferred. Damn it.

“While he’s occupied,” Norman said, gathering me into his arms and falling into the sofa with me on his lap, “tell me how it went.”

The scene, I licked my lips and struggled to remember it objectively. All I could settle on was Mary and the costume. “She actually jiggled my tits,” I was saying as Sean rejoined us.

“I missed that part, but I totally witnessed her slapping your ass.” He offered, setting across from us with that fucking smile plastered on his face.

Norman chuckled and kissed my temple. “She didn’t.”

I nodded and turned to face him. “Oh, but she did. Twice.” Laughter flowed around me as the two of them tried to picture the costume woman manhandling me. If anyone saw this scene, no one would think it was weird or wrong at all.

My cell rang and I was happy for the excuse to leave the room. An outsider might not see anything weird, but I could FEEL it. I could hear the two of them getting a beer as I closed the bedroom door and answered the phone. Tabbi in the nick of time.

“Long time no chat,” she trilled in place of an actual greeting.

I leaned against the door and listened to my best friend’s voice. “Yeah, well movie making isn’t all magic.” I offered weakly. “How’s life stateside?”

“No, nope, not happening.” Her voice had lost the humor. “I know that tone, J, what happened?”

I moved away from the door to my bathroom. Just in case they could hear my voice, I closed that door behind me too. I sighed. “Since the last time we talked, I had THE SCENE.” I heard her groan. “With Sean.” Another groan.

“Was it awkward?” She asked, I heard her close her laptop. Serious business required serious attention. “Did he act like an asshole?” Full on best friend locked and loaded for commiserating.

I felt like I might want to cry. “No,” I said, voice heavy. “It-when we kissed-” I stopped and swallowed a tight knot in my throat. “It felt-”

“Shit,” she breathed. “You aren’t as finished with him as you thought.”

“Yes, I am. We are.” I sighed, feeling less tearful and more frustrated. “I told Norman that I’m in love with him last night.” She gasped. “He told me he loved me too.”

I heard the sharp intake of her breath through the phone. “Jesus.” I could almost hear the gears in her head turning. “So, the scene, with Sean, just how intimate are we talking?”

I hadn’t told her much about the script. Right now, advice was needed more than fear about spoilers. I told her everything. What I had to wear, what he said in my ear, how much Duffy LOVED the action we’d created. Then I told her about our impromptu dinner party. And finished with the fact that he’d ordered my meal perfectly for me after only sharing Chinese with me twice.

Her sigh was as heavy as I felt. “He’s bringing the BIG guns, Jessa. Fuck, you were right, he’s a fighter.”

I bit my lip as I checked my reflection. No tears, no puffy face, no blush. Presentable. “That’s what I’m afraid of.” I groaned and realized the call had been all about me. “Screw my angst, distract me with tales of your travels.” She laughed and we talked for another fifteen minutes. I heard Norman’s voice in the bedroom. “Crap, I can’t hide anymore, dinner’s here.” Her chuckle made me smile. “I’ll call you soon. Stay safe, and love you!” She returned my goodbye and I opened the door to Norman.

His raised eyebrow of my choice of conversation spots had me giggle. “What? Like you’ve never taken a call on the toilet?” I shook my head and made a show of flushing the toilet and washing my hands. His laughter followed him out into the living room.

“Guess I don’t have to tell you that dinner’s here!” He yelled back to me, and I could hear him tell Sean that I talked to people while peeing.

If only that was the truth, I thought, forcing myself back to the room that held two men that I was intensely attracted to. One held my heart, and the other? Well, I’m not entirely sure what he held.


	11. Chapter 11

Sean behaved during dinner. Flirting only mildly, as he does with EVERYONE. I relaxed, but there were tense moments. Like when we both reached into the delivery bag for the food, our hands touching and I had to force myself to ignore the twist in my stomach at the contact, and also fight jumping away like I’d been burned. Or when he handed me my utensils and his fingers slid along mine. I felt like I’d touched a hot burner.

Once dinner was over, and Sean finally said goodnight, I walked into our bedroom and gave a long sigh. I felt Norman come up behind me, his arms finally wrapping around me from behind. I leaned my head back against his chest and felt some of my tension relax.

“Wanna talk about it?” His breath brushed the top of my head. “Might help to get it out.”

I turned in his arms, feeling more tension build. What if I told him, warts and all what was bothering me and he got pissed and left me? Could I live without him, now, after finally letting him in? I pressed my face into his chest and breathed him in. This was Norman. He loved me and he was the most reasonable person I knew. I could trust him. He knew about Sean and me. I sighed again and pulled him to the bed.

“Lie down with me and hold me and I’ll try to tell you.” I offered, sitting down and pulling him with me. We laid back on the pillows and turned to face one another. His hand felt comforting on my hip. I closed my eyes to steady myself, and then blew out a breath. “I’m scared of telling you.” I whispered. Opening my eyes to see him smile at me.

“Don’t be.” His hand tightened on my hip. “I’m not going anywhere.”

I felt my heart lurch, and my hand cupped his cheek. “You can’t promise that, Norman.” I whispered, heart clenching with fear. “You can’t promise to not leave when you haven’t heard what I’m going to say. And that terrifies me.” I closed my eyes against the thought of the pain I’d experience if he left me.

He touched my cheek, forcing me to open my eyes again. “Jessa, I’m here. I want you to tell me.” He brushed his lips against my forehead. “I love you, baby, tell me.”

I tried to smile, but knew it was too forced, so dropped it. “OK, here goes.” I forced myself to keep my eyes on his as I told him about the scene, the entire thing, leaving nothing out. I told him how I felt when Sean kissed me, how it felt when he thrust against me, what he’d whispered. I told him everything, and the tears that I held back, that I convinced wouldn’t happen fell. His thumb was brushing them away, but I kept going. Warts and all. “I don’t understand why I feel this NOW?”

He chuckled and pulled me into his chest. “Aw, baby, because I think,” he kissed my forehead and cradled me tight. “I think that you’re finally realizing how you felt about him all along.” He shushed me trying to argue against it. “No, listen, Jessa. I think you’ve been telling yourself all along that you and Sean had a fling. That it wasn’t serious, that you did the right thing leaving and not saying goodbye.” I felt another kiss, this time on the top of my head. “You admitted to me that you didn’t let people spend the night, right?” I shrugged. “You let him. That was a pretty big step for you. I don’t think you want to admit what you felt for him, what you still feel for him.” I tensed up in his arms. “It doesn’t make what we have any less powerful, Jessa, it doesn’t.” I looked up at him and he was still smiling at me, soothing me. “I love you, and I know you love me. We just have to work through this, you have to work through this.” I started to cry again. “I’m not leaving, baby, I’m going to be with you every step of the way.”

I let my head collapse onto his chest again. Sniffling, I considered what he was saying. Did I have more feelings for Sean than I wanted to admit. I felt that clench in my stomach again, the thought of him of how his arms felt. Sighing, and fighting to regain some composure, I pulled away long enough to shift and press my ear against Norman’s chest.

“So how do I work through it if I don’t know what it is?” I listened to the steady rhythm of his heart beating against my ear, letting it calm me. His arms were around me and holding me tight to him.

“I think, the first thing you have to do is admit your feelings, babe.” He sighed against me. “I’m not going to lie, it’s going to suck, for both of us, but it has to happen.”

My feelings? What were my feelings for Sean? I felt the flip in my stomach again. I thought about our time together in LA. About what we talked about, his insistence that he wanted his kids to meet me. That we’d be happy together. That he wanted to keep me. That I’d wanted that, so badly. That I wanted to have the picture he tried to sell me about our life together. I wanted so badly to believe that we could have it. But I had been terrified. Terrified of the backlash I’d get for ruining his marriage. Terrified that once we were together, the rebound glasses he was wearing during our time together would fall away and he’d regret it, and me. And when I saw his wife, and saw her looking miserable, I’d jumped on that as a way to stave off my own pain. Or to hasten it, so I could push through and pretend it wasn’t there.

“I think I was in love with him.” I realized, with a horrible flash. “I loved him and ran away because I KNEW that it wouldn’t work.”

I felt him give a sad chuckle. “Was in love with him?” He twitched under me and I looked up. His eyebrow was raised as though he would disagree with that conclusion. “And how did you know it wouldn’t work?”

I glared at him, and his complete certainty that I was wrong on both counts. “Yes, WAS. I love you, Norman.” He smirked at me and I rolled my eyes. “And I knew it wouldn’t work for so many reasons.”

“Name them.” He dared, tracing my cheek with his thumb. “Tell me why you were so sure that being with him like this wouldn’t work.”

I squinted at him, trying to decide if he was just baiting me to get me in trouble. Then I remembered who he was and shrugged off the suspicion. “Fine. I knew it wouldn’t work with Sean because the dream he was feeding me was a pipe dream at best. It wasn’t based in reality. Not even an ounce of it.” He was watching me intently waiting for more. “How could it? He wouldn’t even let anyone know that they were separated, Norman. He didn’t tell you for fuck’s sake. How could I be with him, like this,” I clutched at his sides, “if he couldn’t even tell the people closest to him that his marriage was over?” I sighed again. “You know what his social media accounts are filled with? Photos and videos of them, the three of them as a family. His daughter too, but it’s mostly the perfect family scene. Sean, his beautiful model wife, and two kids that look like the perfect miniature of their daddy. And not one of those photos or videos show a hint of drama or strife. Not even a spark of discord.” I blinked away a tear at a memory I hadn’t told anyone. “When I left, I had a wait at the airport, a LONG one. I was planning on unfollowing him, and I did, but then curiosity got the better of me. I hadn’t really been on twitter or instagram that week, so I went back to the day we met. You know what was posted that day? A photo of the four of them, looking perfectly content, and it was taken that day. I know because he was wearing the same clothes I’d stripped off of him that night.”

I felt Norman’s arms tighten around me. “You left because you didn’t trust what you felt for him. Not because you felt nothing, Jessa.” His thumb was still on my cheek. “Then you pushed it ALL the way down. You ignored it, refused to even acknowledge it.” His smile held. “You can’t get over it if you pretend it doesn’t exist, baby.” He pulled me up so I was facing him on the pillow next to him. Giving me a gentle kiss, he pulled away. “That doesn’t mean you don’t love me, or that it isn’t strong. It means that you still have feelings for him, and you never named those feelings. Besides, it’s not unheard of to love more than one person at a time.”

“I can’t love him, Norman.” I stubbornly decreed. “I can’t, not because it’s impossible. Not because it hurts, though it does, but because it’s completely ridiculous.” I shook my head at the mere thought of it. “He’s not just unattainable for him, he’s wrong for me. Loving him would be proving my mother right. She’d be right about my taste in men. She’d be right that I can’t trust myself to find the right man. And if she’s right about that, then what does that say about us?”

He nodded, finally understanding. “You’re afraid that loving him and getting it wrong would mean we’re wrong too?” I nodded. “Oh, baby, your mom was messed up.” He kissed me again. “Loving Sean didn’t prove her right. Honey, loving him meant you had the capacity to let someone in again. And me? That proves you have excellent taste.” I laughed, knowing that was his aim. “Seriously though, you have to let someone in, Jessa. You have to, because you’ve held out for so long. You have to trust yourself, and I’m so fucking glad you did with me.” His eyes blazed on mine. “I can’t really tell you if leaving him was right or wrong. I can’t be unbiased, since it got me here with you. I can tell you that holding back the information from him, that not telling him you love or loved him didn’t help much. Because that led us to this.” He nodded at my current predicament. “You’ve got to figure out what’s going to get you past it. If you want to, that is?”

“Of course I want to.” I grabbed his head between my hands. “You want me to, don’t you?” I had to ask, had to confirm he still wanted me.

“Oh, baby, of course I want you to. I want you so much, but I can’t make that decision for you.” His hands went to mine, covering them and holding my hands against his face. “You need to make sure that I’m it, not me. I definitely want you to choose me, but he’s one of my best friends. I don’t want you to settle.”

“Settle?” I scoffed and kissed him. “Being with you, loving you? That’s not settling. You’re amazing. And I love you so much it hurts.” I smiled at him. “The good kind of hurt.”

“Well, then I guess you have part of your answer.” He was trying not to show me how much he was relieved that I was definitely happy with him. That he was my only choice. “Now you just have to figure out what it’s going to take to move past Sean, for real this time.”

I lay back on my own pillow, staring at the ceiling and tried to think what it would take. At least I had some peace, now that I knew that Norman was sticking with me. With him there, here, I could at least focus on what to do now.


	12. Chapter 12

Being an emotional mess can really screw up your love life. Take it from me. It sucks. Instead of Norman and I tapping into that very hot and very newfound love making that we nearly blew both of our minds, we cuddled and fell asleep. Seriously, sex would have been a million times more welcome than the dishrag I felt like.

When morning dawned,I felt Norman pressed tight against my back. I had slept in the yoga pants, Norman’s t-shirt combo, and it didn’t seem to bother his limbido. I felt the same need rush through me feeling the heat from his body, the hardness of him. I barely had a chance to sigh, when he had me rolled over on my back. Hovering over me, I smiled up at him.

“Morning, baby,” I whispered, waiting for my first kiss of the day.

Norman’s eyes, so very dark, took in the shirt I was wearing. His finger tugged at the neck and a predatory grin took over his mouth. “I noticed you wearing this last night. Nearly destroyed me that I couldn’t take it off you then,” he lowered his mouth and kissed me slowly, tempting. Pulling back he licked his bottom lip, almost savoring how I tasted. “My shirt never looked so damn good.” And then he fell on top of me, and words were rendered useless.

Hours later, maybe, who fucking knows? We lay entwined, finally sated, and probably grinning like lunatics. I looked up at him and giggled. “You know, we should have saved this-”

“What the hell are you talking about?” He growled, his arms tightening around me.

“Just saying.” I kissed the script tattoo over his pec. “I mean, we have to act like we’re lovers in a few hours, we could have saved all that pent up NEED, and won an Oscar.”

His laughter made my world bright. “And got a XXX rating, which would ruin the Oscar moment I’m sure.” Norman kissed my forehead. “Are you feeling better about everything?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I hate angst. Even my own.” I looked up at him thoughtfully. “Having you with me helped.”

“Good.” Simple and perfect. “Now let’s get ready for work.”

I started to get up from the bed, but he tugged me back down. And I understood perfectly. Practice makes perfect after all.

Mary was again eyeing my crotch. I tried desperately not to feel the least bit of discomfort, but damn it, this was too much. Then, another boob jiggle, another sigh and I nearly screamed at the deja vu. Donning my robe, I slipped my bare feet in my slippers and walked to set. I smiled and nodded, not nearly as out of it as I had been the day before. Duffy was getting another donut, with sprinkles this time. Jesus, was my faux sex life that fucking hunger inducing?

I rushed up to the bedside and wrapped my arms around Norman’s waist from behind. “Hey, you.” I whispered into his fake tattoo. I felt his hands cover mine and a chuckle run through him. “Ready for the fun?”

He turned and hugged me. “Sure, it’ll be just like this morning. Except you’ve got a scrap keeping you from me, I’ve got a bag keeping me from you-”

I snickered. “I was more than willing to go the full mile. Blame Duffy and his whole morality clause.” I gave Norman a wink.

“OK, OK, lovebirds.” Duffy’s voice called from his place by the monitors. “Save it for the screen. Get in place, and I don’t even have to give y’all the pep talk. Just get it on, but not too on-” He groaned and took a bite from his donut. “You know what to fuckin’ do.”

I grinned at Norman and dropped the robe into Mary’s hands. Kicking off the slippers, I got onto the bed. I gave Mary a look, waiting for her to tell me I was supposed to look like a woman in love, but she was already gone. Well, thank God, the deja vu was over.

“Action!” And Norman/Murphy’s jeans came down. I wondered if the hunger I felt for his touch transferred well onto film. When his body was hovering over me, just like that morning, I sighed, and reached for him. Our lips met, our bodies pressed together, and like that a match was flicked. Every other person on set disappeared as we touched, kissing and thrusting. Arching into him, sighing, and moaning. All too soon for either of us, “CUT!” was called.

“Jesus,” Duffy groaned. “I swear, that was hotter than-” He watched the replay while Norman held me, waiting to see if a re-shoot would be called. “Fuck, I need all our scenes to go that well. It’s good, no it’s fan-fucking-tastic.”

I grinned up at Norman, and waited for Mary to descend with my robe. Wrapping myself up, watching Norman replace his jeans, I felt a tingle of being watched. I shrugged it off, thinking about the crew and others that had watched us, but turning to go back to get into real clothes, I saw him. Sean had come to watch our scene, and he looked like someone had stabbed him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super sappy. Like think the sappiest thing you've ever seen, heard, read, or watched, now multiply it by a million..You've been warned.

After the scene with Norman, and pushing aside the look on Sean’s face, I made my way to get ready to leave the set for the day. I was in makeup with Abi, fully clothed in my own clothes, when we heard a knock on the trailer door. Giving permission to come in, I wish I could say I was surprised to see Sean walk in. 

“Hey,” he said, sounding more uncertain than I’d ever heard him sound. He smiled at Abi, watching as she massaged my face, my makeup having been removed only moments before. “I was wonderin’, could we have a drink later?” He was clearly speaking to me and Abi knew it. “There’s a scene comin’ up and I wanted to get your input.” Smooth, Sean, smooth.

I waited until Abi gave me a second to answer. “Sure,” it was a simple answer, but both of us knew it was anything but easy. “Text me where you end up.” He nodded and left, and I hoped that Abi didn’t see anything wrong with the entire exchange. 

“There,” she said, standing back to look at her reverse handiwork. “You look cleaned up and completely relaxed.” I nearly laughed, clearly she could see the outside, but not the inner turmoil that Sean’s request had me dealing with. 

Released from my day on set, I got into the car and drove to the hotel. I figured that Sean had a few more hours, at least, and then we were all due for a long weekend. Much deserved, if my nerves were any indication. I went to my room, took a long hot bath, and then decided to kill the time between now and my drink date with the errands I’d put off for days. I made a list for the grocery store. I called and got a last minute appointment with my chiropractor. I also texted Norman to let him know about Sean’s request. 

As I was walking out the door, I got a notification that Norman relied. “Let me know how it goes. Love you.” 

Trust, Jesus, it was amazing how much that man trusted me and his best friend. Not that he had anything to worry about, but still, it was so freaking amazing to me. I left and went about my errands, feeling supremely relaxed after my realignment. I was walking back into the hotel, with a few shopping bags when I heard Sean’s voice call out to me. Looking up, I saw him standing with two boys and her. His wife and sons were here. In the same hotel we were staying in. I considered waving and rushing to the elevators, but that would look too strange, I thought. So I approached the lovely family scene that was before me. 

“Jessa,” Sean said, eyes on mine. “My family decided to surprise me with a visit, it’s that great?” He hadn’t known. That was clear from the look in his eyes and from the strain I could see around his smile. 

I smiled down at his sons, not a far look down for one of them, but the other hadn’t had his growth spurt yet. “That’s an amazing surprise. Hello, I’m Jessa Halmond.” I greeted the boys and their mother. Hoping against hope that she couldn’t see how absolutely guilt I felt when I met her eyes. She took my offered hand and we shook, hopefully not gauging how the other stacked up. At least I was trying not to. The boys followed suit, and I had to grin at how fucking much they looked like Sean. “How long are you guys staying?” The weekend, that's what she offered. “Well, I hope you guys have a great time visiting your daddy. And you too,” I offered, picking up my shopping bags and heading for the elevator. I was trying to decide, as the doors closed, had I just dodged a bullet in not having to meet Sean for that drink, or did I open another wound for the both of us? 

Norman and I spent that night having a dinner that I cooked and then wrapping ourselves back into the bubble that we created in my room. He had one more day of shooting, then his weekend would start, but I had the entire three days free to do as I pleased.

What my body pleased, I found out when I woke up the next morning with Norman pressed against my back, was to get fucking sick. I could feel the burn of my throat, dry and achy. My entire body ached, making Norman’s flesh against mine feel like it was torture. Hell, even the sheets and blankets against my skin hurt. I must have twitched or groaned, because I felt him move. 

“Jessa?” he asked, as I tried to pull away. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” 

I could barely croak out my answer, and that’s how he knew. I was sick. “You have to go, Norman. Now.” I would love for him to stay and baby me, but if he got whatever I was dealing with, then production would stop, and we’d be stuck in Canada for who knew how long.

He wanted to argue, but he kissed my forehead and could feel the fever burning through me. “Fuck,” he whispered. “Let me take you to the doctor first.” 

I shook my head. “I’ll get a driver to take me. I swear, just get the hell out.” I would have physically pushed him, but I had the energy of a really dank dishrag. “Please, baby?” 

He didn’t like it. He wanted to argue. He would have, but he also knew that I’d fight him. So he compromised. “Fine. Let me call the car, and you get ready. I’ll go when you’re on the way to the doctor.” At that point, if it got him safely away from me, I’d have agreed to damn near anything.

I got up and worked to get presentable for the doctor. I grabbed my bag, and was happy when Norman told me the car was downstairs waiting for me. He wouldn’t let me go down alone. And when I started to get dizzy and tilted to the side, I was grateful. He put me in the car, watched as I buckled myself in, and gave instructions to the driver for a nearby clinic he’d found while I was getting ready. Another kiss on my forehead, and he stood back, letting the door shut and grimacing at the thought that I wouldn’t let him come with me. 

I had a virus. A terrible, no good, very bad virus, but that meant that aside from something for my aching throat, and something for the fever, I was in a “drink plenty of fluids and wait” type of pattern. Once I was back in my own room with Tylenol, some type of liquid medicine to take the sore throat down a notch, and enough clear fluids to keep me floating for awhile, I texted Norman the news. And also the warning that I was self-quarantining. No one else needed to feel this shitty. 

And for three days, I stayed to myself. Other than Norman’s calls, or the texts that I shared with my family and Tabbi, I was in my own bubble of self-care. I took the fever reducer, and was so happy when I felt the fever finally break that I nearly danced. Nearly because I was so weak that I knew it was a bad idea to try it while unsupervised. I took the other medicine and nearly cheered when my throat no longer felt like I’d been swallowing acid for fun. Nearly because I didn’t want to make it hurt again. I drank enough fluids to consider never having another drink again. 

On the final night of what should have been an amazing long weekend, I heard a knock on my door. I was watching Supernatural on Netflix, bingeing since I couldn’t focus on writing, and thought that Norman was trying to sneak past restrictions. Groaning, I shuffled to the door, still wrapped in one of the blankets that was my new constant companion. I opened the door, admonishment on my lips for my well meaning boyfriend, when I came up short at the sight of Sean standing there. Speechless, that’s the term for what I was at the moment. 

“Hey,” his voice, still one of my favorite things about him, offered. “Heard you were sick, how are ya feelin’?”

I was gaping, I could feel the air being sucked through my open mouth and had to force myself to close it. “Better,” my voice was still hoarse, but it was better than the first day. “Much better, actually.” 

“Can I?” He gestured to the interior of my rooms, and I realized that I was blocking the entrance. Could he? I wondered if it were a smart idea, I mean I wasn’t feverish still, but did that mean I wasn’t contagious? 

“Why not?” I asked, feeling too tired to work through all the reasons he shouldn’t. I turned from the door and shuffled back to my spot on the couch. It looked like a nest, extra blankets, a pillow from Norman’s side of the bed, and so many glasses and bottles of drinks that my type A nearly came out. Nearly because I was still coming down from being sick that my entire body and mind was exhausted. 

Sean settled into the chair nearest me, and I waited for him to speak. “Thanks for not running away when I called you over the other day.” His eyes were on the television, I hadn’t pushed pause, so the show had gone on when I answered the door. “You could have, and I would have understood why you did, but you didn’t. Thank you.”  
I was getting comfy in my blanket as I thought of what he was saying. “It was nothing, Sean.” My voice still sounded like sandpaper. “Besides, your boys are too adorable to ignore.” I felt my smile form, but I felt a little hazy. Like the walk to the door had been a marathon, and now that it was over, I’d earned my rest. 

The next thing I remember, was feeling like I was weightless. Then I felt like I was being laid on a cloud. A kiss on my forehead. And then darkness. Complete and total darkness. 

When I woke up, hours later, I felt like I had to have dreamt that Sean had come to my rooms to thank me for simply saying hello to his family. Surely he hadn’t come up and done that. Clearly I’d been so exhausted from whatever virus had overtaken my body that I’d inserted that into my dreaming after seeing his family days before. 

I’d convinced myself until I sat up and saw the envelope with my name on it, propped up against a glass of water with two Tylenol beside it. For a moment, I wanted nothing more than to throw it away. Toss it in the trash and ignore it. Coward, my mind screamed. And I knew that I would have to read it. 

I put it off for as long as I could. I took a shower, feeling like my legs weren’t jelly anymore, but still taking time to be careful. I brushed the full length of my hair and those fucking extensions, taking time to braid the whole mess. I cleaned up the mess of glasses and empty bottles. I folded the extra blankets, and returned Norman’s pillow to the bed. I returned texts that had come in when I felt too sick to answer. I listened to my voicemails, feeling a little sad that I had an extra day off from Duffy because of my illness, but knowing I needed it. I sent a text to Norman telling him I couldn’t wait to see him later. 

And then I was out of things to do beside opening the letter. I took it into the living room area, and sat down on the couch. Closing my eyes to steel myself for whatever he might have to say, I opened the flap of the envelope and pulled out a sheaf of paper.

Jessa,

When you left me that note, so many years ago, you were right in so much of it. At least on the surface what you wrote was correct. My granddaddy did leave me a version of what Mickie’s had, a recipe for what life should be about, what I should strive to have, and yes, who I should share it with. He looked me dead in the eye when he handed it down to me, and explained exactly how to use it.

Where you were wrong, what you refused to see, is that sometimes the recipe stays the same, but the final dish changes. Subtly. Or, in the case of you, entirely.

I will be the first to admit I hate being wrong, but I like to think that I’m man enough to own it when I am. 

I was wrong to allow my first real attempt at the family recipe to go so wrong that it held me hostage by its certainty that I’d allow it. 

I was wrong to not realize that I hadn’t sat down with you, with that tattered fucking recipe in hand and show you how you checked every damn box.

I was wrong to let myself be consoled into thinking that coming after you to show you just how hard I really can fight for what I want, need, and love would be the wrong tactic-that you wouldn’t want to see it.

I was wrong when I saw you and Norman talking that night at his house, thinking that he’d never be able to give you what I couldn’t.

I was wrong when I took advantage of that scene that you were only compelled to film, simply because filming it with anyone else would have killed me. 

I was wrong when I thought watching him, one of my best friends, have or begin to have the life I dreamt about with you, and feel that he shouldn’t have that. Not with you.

You said I was a fighter. I thought I was. I was wrong. 

If I really was a fighter, then you’d be here with me. The boys would know you like Norman’s kids know you. I’d know your son like he knows him. I’d be by your side, night and day, sharing those looks, those kisses, and those touches that I miss like I’d miss my arm if I lost it.

I should have fought-for you. I know, even if you never tell me, even if you never admit it to yourself, that you felt the same. It wasn’t just physical. My favorite memories from that week aren’t of our physical intimacy. It's the first time we spoke, your openness and silliness. It’s when you showed me your “other” works and watched me while I read them. It’s when you’d be sitting across the room editing while I read scripts, the quiet easy and comforting, and so damn natural.

Physically we were like fire. But hearing your laughter, watching you watch me reading something you weren’t sure of, watching you create, and enjoy life even if you were in the midst of the strain of promoting your work to the next level, that’s what I remember most. 

I miss those moments. Moments I’ve ONLY had with you. Memories that I clutch to me every time I see you, every single time I see you creating more with Norman. Seeing you finally meet my boys, seeing that same genuine openness that is uniquely you, even in what I know must have been an uncomfortable situation, was one of the things I’d hoped to have with you then. 

I had hoped, during our week, that you’d HEARD me when I told you that I was falling in love. That you LISTENED when I told you why. That you UNDERSTOOD that I’m not fickle, not so easily attached or overcome. Clearly that was my biggest failing. I mean every single word I spoke to you.

When I said I wanted to keep you, I meant forever. When I told you I’d never met anyone like you, I meant that meeting you was like finding the light in the darkness. I can hear you scoff even before you touch these words, but I’m telling you-US? You and me? It was real. It was true. And I should have worked harder to prove it.

You called yourself my BDM-that’s the worst thing I have ever heard anyone call themselves. But for you to think that’s what you were to me? That’s so wrong that it nearly broke me into pieces. I’ve made bad decisions in my life. You, our time together, how I felt for you? That doesn’t even dip its toe into the BDM column. 

My biggest BDM-that was reading your note, accepting YOUR decision, and sending flowers instead of following you home. I was stupid and weak. I should have fought to show you just how much I love you. I love you. Not past tense, I love you.

I’m sure this letter, my words during our scene, none of it changes anything. But I had to tell you. I had to know that you KNEW. Even if nothing changes. I will love you until my heart stops beating. Even if you’ve stopped loving me.

Sean


	14. Chapter 14

I’d like to say that after reading Sean’s letter I sought him out. I talked over what his words, his assurances, his pain, and how I felt about it all. About him. I’d like to say we made peace, we understood one another. That he and Norman and I figured it all out and we went happily about our lives, together and yet, not together. 

That would be complete and utter bullshit. And I try very hard to not lie like a dog. Instead, much like I had before, only on a smaller scale in the sense that I didn’t hop on a plane and run for the hills, I started to avoid him. I was given ample room for it. I had only a few scenes left to film, and they weren’t as charged as the two that had brought me to two very different places. In fact, one didn’t have either of them in it at all. A new type of nerves for that. 

When it was time to film my ‘solo’ scene, without the two of them, I got to watch Mary studying my body in a whole new way. She adjusted the faux stomach, the one that was supposed to add enough bump to my current curves to make pregnancy a bit more noticeable for film. As she adjusted the straps on my shoulders, and tugged and pulled, to make sure it settled as naturally as possible, she sighed.

“You have a kid right?” She asked, grabbing the wrap dress that would cover my faux bump. I nodded as she turned and untied the dress to hand to me to wrap around myself. “I gotta think that you made a gorgeous pregnant woman.” I raised an eyebrow, but continued dressing. “I mean look at you, without the glow, there it is. You were born to look perfect pregnant.” 

I glanced in the full length mirror as the dress settled over my newly ample form. I tilted my head, the extra hair had been braided down my shoulder, and with the simple makeup this character wore, I understood what she was saying. I’d felt so beautiful when I was pregnant, and this time, without the other burdens I’d carried at that time, I could enjoy the look, without the long term responsibility My hands curved around the fake addition and I remembered when I’d do the same with the real one that had housed my son. How I thrilled at feeling his kicks. 

“See, that’s what I mean,” Mary said, standing next to me to make sure that the dress was hanging right. “A natural beauty.” I rolled my eyes. “Hey, don’t knock it, not all women glow, honey. Some women look and feel miserable from the first moment.” 

I chuckled and gave her a wink. “I leave it to your disconcerting eye, Mary. And thank you.” She smiled back, and I fought another eye roll. “I don’t have many days on set left.” I sighed. 

“Hey, you don’t have to go just because you’re done, after all, your guy’s here.” She was smiling, as certain as every other person on set that me and Norman were IT. I wondered briefly what would happen if they all knew. Knew about Sean and I, about that week, about those dueling letters. What would they all think then? 

I fought to keep my smile as she deemed me ready to go. I slipped into the ballet slippers that I’d kept off during the struggle to get me looking pregnant and opened the door to go to set. I knew that Norman planned to watch, he had this almost obscene need to see it, to see how I’d look even though I offered to show him pictures from when it was real. For him, this was real, here, seeing it in this atmosphere that had brought us together. I wondered, briefly, as I walked through the crew and toward Duffy’s spot if anyone had confiscated his phone just in case. 

“Holy shit,” Duffy’s voice greeted me as I stepped up to him, waiting for direction. “Jesus, you look, wow.” 

I looked down, trying to see why seeing me like THIS was so fucking amazing. Hell, I’d been basically naked it seemed days ago. Maybe everyone is suddenly baby crazy, I thought shrugging internally. I waited as Duffy reiterated my scene’s purpose, basically his version of Marvel’s end credit scenes, hopefully setting it up for a fourth movie. Internally I hoped that I’d be recast. I’d had my taste with acting, and honestly, I wanted to get back to writing as I wanted to.

When he called “Action” I did my bit, showing up on the MacManus matriarch’s door, clearly pregnant. I interacted with the lovely woman playing their mother, and then “cut” and I turned to see if we’d done well enough to call it a day, for me at least. Apparently we hadn’t, so another three takes, had to be attempted before Duffy finally released us from the scene. I turned to find Norman watching from behind a camera, near enough to Duffy that he could have watched me on the monitor, but far enough that he could see us clearly without obstruction. 

I smiled and started back to Mary’s to get out of my bump. I felt him catch up to me, taking my hand and falling into step with me easily. I felt his attention on me, and waited for him to say something, anything actually. I turned to look up at him and saw his gaze fall to the bump. Yep, baby crazy, I swear. 

I stopped walking and turned to face him when he followed suit. “Say it.” I said, a smile forming as he took me in up close. “Go on, Norman, say whatever it is that you’re dying to say, before you burst.” 

He bit his lip and then that tongue of his flicked out to give it a swipe. “Just thinking how absolutely fucking gorgeous you look like that.” His eyes fell to the fake belly. “It has other thoughts running through my mind.” His hands reached out to pull me flush against him. “A lot of other things.” 

“As long as the things you’re thinking about are practice for something with this ending, and NOT a restart.” I looked up in time to catch a flash of disappointment. “Norman?” I cupped his cheek. “You don’t want more kids, do you?” 

Seeing his eyes look away, I felt shock down to my feet. How had we NOT discussed this before? I was in my forties, and he was, he was ten years older. And I knew that men could make babies until the day they keeled over from old age, but seriously? My son was an adult, and so was his. Fuck. Why here, why did I have to bring it up here? He was dressed for a scene, and if I remembered his schedule, then he and Sean were in for a long night. Damn it, he’d have this shit on his brain for hours, and so would I. 

“Norman, baby,” I forced him to look back at me. “We’ll talk about it, I swear we will, later.” I reached up on tiptoes, feeling his arms wrap around me automatically and leaning down to meet me. Our lips brushed, and I kissed him trying to convey that I loved him and we’d figure it out. We’d compromise, wouldn’t we? I pulled away as I heard Duffy bellowing for him from behind me. “You’ve been summoned.” He nodded and kissed my forehead.

“If you fall asleep before I get back tonight-” he started, but I shook my head.

“I’ll wait up for you,” I promised, my heart thumping painfully against my chest. “Go, before he screams again.” 

I waited for a beat for him to walk away from me and then turned to watch. I was hoping that this would be the only time I had to watch him walk away from me.


	15. Chapter 15

I was awake when Norman came into the suite after shooting. How could I have fallen asleep after seeing the disappointment and God knew what else that had flashed across his face when I’d basically shot down the mere mention of starting a family with him? While he’d been working, I’d been considering how fast my mind and mouth went to “nope”. 

Once upon a time, not all that fucking long ago, I’d wanted another kiddo. I loved being a mom. Even if my son hadn’t been planned, even if my first marriage and my ex-husband hadn’t shown one tiny iota of interest in helping me raise him, I LOVED it. Aside from the terror when I first learned I was pregnant (a minor freak out where I may have mentioned not being able to potty train a puppy, therefore how the fuck was I supposed to rear a child) and a hiccup toward the end of my pregnancy where things nearly went asshole over teacups healthwise (seriously NOT built for bedrest, people), pregnancy and motherhood wasn’t all that horrible. The teen years left a bit to be desired, but all in all, it was more than worth it. 

By the time that Norman came in, I was more inclined to lean toward a “maybe” than a “oh hell no, mister”. 

“Hey,” I offered, quiet and unsure. Norman wasn’t usually very forceful, he was quiet and a tad awkward to most people, but that outward image was deceptive. Still waters run deep and all. “How’d filming go?”

“Not bad,” he smiled, pulling me onto his lap as he collapsed next to me on the sofa. His face buried into my shoulder. “You smell amazing,” I smiled, relaxing into his touch. His lips brushed against my pulse and I bit my lip as we both felt it quicken. He hummed and his lips curled into a smile. “Feels like you might wanna practice-”

I chuckled. “About that-” 

He sighed, pulling away. “Yeah, about that-” his forehead wrinkled with worry. “That damn costume, Jessa, it musta made my brain go stupid.” 

Cupping his face between my hands I shook my head. “It didn’t, Norman. You’re never stupid, ever.” I kissed him lightly and was smiling when I pulled away. “Knee jerk reaction was ‘shit we’re old’.” His eyebrow raised at that and I scrunched up my nose. “What? My kid is old enough to buy booze.” Forcing him to laugh was the goal and I won that one. “But-” he bit his lip to get himself under control. “While you were filming, I had a little time to think about it-” His hands grew a little tighter on my hips. “I don’t think I’m as opposed to the idea as I thought I was.” 

“Are you saying-” He swallowed hard. “Jessa-”

“I’m saying,” I leaned closer, letting my forehead touch his. “That IF it happens, Norman, NATURALLY, then I’m not going to be upset or mad about it. I just don’t want us to work hard to MAKE it happen.”   
I watched as he thought about it. “So-” A couple beats. “We’re going to just take things as they go, no extra help.” 

“We can add practice sessions-” I barely had the words out before he had me over his shoulder and was stalking toward the bedroom. “Couldn’t we have dinner first, Mr. Reedus?” I was laughing as he growled. “Damn it, man, even babies need food.” 

I woke up wrapped up in Norman’s arms, his lips still curled in the smile they fell asleep in while I felt certain I woke up in RBF (it’s a curse that I live with and will die with, oh well). He did manage to feed me, eventually, and we talked about Sean’s letter. 

“He told me about it,” I wasn’t surprised. Sean and Norman were like brothers and had known one another for far longer than I’d known either of them. He let out a long breath and took a bite of food so he could take the time to chew and consider his thoughts. “Ultimately it’s your decision on how to deal with it, Jessa. Cutting him off doesn’t work, clearly, but neither does whatever the hell this is.” No shit. Fuck. 

“I don’t want to screw us up or the two of you up either,” shaking my head I wondered briefly how hard it was to strangle myself with the noodles I was eating. “I’m going to have to sit down with him and hash it out, but I can’t do it alone.” I didn’t trust myself. Honestly, truly, I didn’t. Sean was Sean. And I think I had to be honest about how fucking potent he was to me. “Do you want to be the mediator for us, my darling wonderful potential baby dada?”

He snorted, and nearly inhaled a noodle to test my hypothetical question. “Guess I will, since you put it in such a glowing request.” He winked and I shook my head. “I’ll be right there with you, and I’ll remind Sean to play fair, cause God knows that he likes to cheat when he has to.” 

And then, after sustenance, he’d taken me back to bed and given me a few more rounds of practice, trying like hell to convince me to stay after my final scenes were filmed. 

“Morning,” he mumbled, his voice rough and quiet like it always was early in the morning. I had to smile, knowing that I was poised to hear it every morning from here on out. “Think the gears in your head woke me up, they were grinding so damn loud.” 

Propping my chin on his chest, my eyes met his. “Is that so?” His fingers came up to brush the hair out of my face. “You were smiling in your sleep.” I leaned into his hand, his thumb brushing under my eye. 

“Musta been dreaming of you.” I would have rolled my eyes, but I swear to hell he said it with such sincerity that I would have felt like a bitch. “I love you.”

“I love you.” I moved up to kiss him, sighing into his lips, smiling as his hands moved to my lower back, and moaning when he rolled me onto my back for another round of practice.


End file.
